sex

3 gynaecologist-approved sex positions to try if penetrative sex hurts.

Mastering new sex positions can be daunting at the best of times, but when you find penetrative sex super painful, the thought of testing out something new goes straight to the bottom of your to-do list. Firmly underneath ‘do taxes’ and ‘go to the dentist’. 

Not that hearing that heaps of other people find penetrative sex sore makes your experience any cosier, but know that if you are struggling with finding penetrative sex pleasurable, you are far from alone.

Now watch some really interesting ways women can reach orgasm. Post continues after video.


Video via Mamamia. 

Why does penetration hurt?

Penetrative sex can be painful for a number of reasons, with a handful of conditions often being the cause. Top hitters include vaginismus and vulvodynia and neither can be remedied with a strong natural attraction and a bucket load of lube, unfortunately. 

According to gynaecologist Dr. Nicole Stamatopoulos, penetration can also be painful if you have an overactive pelvic floor (which is when the muscles are over-contracted), which can be the preliminary stage before vaginismus “where penetration is just not possible”.

Another major cause is endometriosis, which is a condition where the tissue that normally lines the uterus grows elsewhere - in spots like your bowel, ovaries and pelvis. If you have endometriosis growing behind your vagina (in your lower uterus) then sex can be extremely sore and penetration can pull or stretch the irritated tissue, causing immense pain. 

While there’s a chance that penetrative sex is always going to be a bit of an uncomfortable experience if you’re juggling these conditions, there are some positions that should soothe the soreness and feel a whole lot better. Here we run through the gynaecologist-approved moves to try with a partner or alone if penetrative sex isn't serving up the goods. 

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The Snug Spoon

Slotting yourself into a spoon position means that you can keep things cosy while allowing for a slower rhythm. Turning down the BPM a smidge will prevent any painful jabs to the cervix, particularly with a longer penis or dildo, and allow for a smoother session. 

How to get into the Snug Spoon sex position with a partner:

Lie down on your side with your back arched and booty tooched (a la Tyra Banks) while your partner mirrors your body position and slots in behind.

The great advantage of this position is that it allows for a clitoral reach-around from your partner or the opportunity for you to clitorally stimulate yourself as this is a hands-free sex position.

How to do the Snug Spoon sex position alone:

Simply lie down on your side with your back arched slightly, surrounding yourself with plump pillows to support your position. Use one hand to either reach around your bum and insert a vibrator vaginally at a 45 degree angle, or if that’s awkward, then open your legs and insert a remote controlled vibrator from the front and close your legs again. Stay in this position and change the pulse rate with the remote in your hands. 

Need a remote-controlled sex toy recommendation? (Because who doesn’t?!) The We-Vibe Rave Rechargeable App Controlled G-Spot Vibrator is a great option, with 10 vibration modes to suit any rhythm request.

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Image: We-Vibe Rave Rechargeable App Controlled G-Spot Vibrator, $159.95 from Lovehoney.

The Triangle Tower

Not so fun fact: Doggie-style has the ability to pull and overstretch endometrial tissue, which can be super sore for anyone - let alone someone who already finds penetrative sex painful. 

Fortunately, the Triangle Tower is remarkably similar to the classic doggie style, but changes the angle just enough to save you from pain. Lifting your hips up towards the sky can prevent too much depth, while still allowing for some serious pleasure. 

How to get into the Triangle Tower sex position with a partner:

Begin to lie down on your tummy, but before you get completely flat, prop yourself up on your knees and forearms. You want your top half to be lower than your bottom half - in fact, you want your bottom to be pointed upwards. Like to the sky. HIGH. Then let your partner shuffle in behind you and keep their pelvis aligned with you - that way no awkward jabby angles can ruin your fun. Ease in at first to make sure everything is feeling comfortable and then gradually speed up.

How to do the Triangle Tower sex position on your own:

Hop into the same position, on your knees and one forearm, and use your free arm to slowly insert a pulsing bullet. Let the vibrator sit in-situ and work its magic, you can even do kegels while in this position to really up the ante.

Want a suggestion for a brilliant bullet vibrator? We love this single bullet with four interchangeable sleeves, meaning you can hit different spots juuuust right.

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Image: Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator and Sleeve Set (5 Piece), $43.96 from Lovehoney.

The Lusty Lean

If the Triangle Tower feels good, give this variation a go, because it’s essentially a standing triangle. All you need is a sturdy wall and the ability to stand on your tippy toes. This position can be a great option for women with endometriosis, as the abdominal pain that goes hand in hand with endo can be soothed by standing sex. Why? Because there’s less pressure on your abdominal area when you’re on your feet. 

Dr Nicole Stamatopoulos says, “Theoretically it makes sense for standing sex to help reduce endo-related abdominal pain, but the only way you really know is if you try". 

How to do the Lusty Lean sex position with a partner:

Stand near a wall, placing your hands flat on the wall for support. Whip out the booty tooch again and get your partner to stand behind you, holding either your waist or your butt cheeks.

Note: This position is near impossible if your partner is significantly taller than you. Ideally the penetrator will be a little shorter than the penetratee (new word, that we’re 100 per cent taking credit for), or be really good at holding a mid-height squat. 

How to do the Lusty Lean sex position on your own:

Stand near a wall, using one single hand to support yourself while letting the other reach around your rear to insert a bullet vibrator. If you want to level up this solo play and you have a classic square shower, then hop on in there and place a suction dildo at the right height for you on the wall. Lower yourself slowly onto the dildo and move up and down while maintaining balance by holding onto the opposite wall.

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Need a suction dildo recco? Try this firm yet flexible Shower Stud Suction Cup Dildo Vibrator to master the perfect angle.

Image: Shower Stud Realistic Suction Cup Dildo Vibrator with Balls 6 Inch, $54.95 from Lovehoney.

As always, if you are finding penetrative sex painful (or anything painful during sex or masturbation) then book in to see a gynaecologist for a complete assessment. 

Dr. Nicole says, "From there they can rule out infections, assess your pelvic floor and consider whether endometriosis is a possible diagnosis for you. This may then require treatment with medication, referral to a pelvic floor physiotherapist or surgery."

Also, if you find a new remedy that soothes penetrative sex-related pain then let us know in the comments! We’re all about sharing helpful advice and being as candid as possible about our sex lives, so speak up, share and let’s never stop talking about sex. 

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