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SEX DIARIES: 'I’ve been having the naughtiest virtual sex of my life during lockdown.'

Tell me not to do something and I’ll want to do it even more.     

So when lockdown put all sexual liaisons on hold, I knew I had to take matters into my own hands.

With that, I turned to my favourite, tried and tested battery-operated device. 

My iPhone. 

My one true lifeline to the outside world. My shiny glimmer of opportunity and hope that I could find other ways to connect. 

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Elsewhere, my single friends were resigning themselves to temporary celibacy, while loved-up couples put 24/7 intimacy to the test.

But since lockdown started, I’ve been having the naughtiest virtual sex of my life.

Dirty dating apps.

In a world where you can’t do more than swipe right, dating apps have become a fantasy land where anything goes. 

Without the prospect of meeting any time soon, protocols have gone out the window, accountability’s fallen by the wayside, and no one’s holding back.

Now within days of messaging – or sometimes just hours – conversations are spiralling out of control. 

And just like a girl without anywhere to be, I’ve landed right in the gutter beside them. 

"I’d start by stroking up your leg," Michael told me one night, "continuing to the top until you’re wet. Once I’ve pulled your knickers to the side, I’d gently start licking between your thighs, waiting to hear you moan and tense up every time my tongue touched you."

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Matt was even more erotic. 

"I’d kiss your lips then down your neck, while whispering filth in your ear. Sucking on your nipples, I would get them so hard, before kissing down your stomach to the inside of your thighs. Getting closer and closer, I’d breathe all over your wet p*ssy, before finally putting my tongue in and circulating your clit. I’d look up and watch your eyes roll back as your back arches off the bed."

"Mmm you’re making me hard," Drew said after I sent him a photo of my pink vibrator between my legs, "you need my d*ck instead of that. I want to f*ck you hard and deep. I want you dripping wet all over my c*ck."

I was in the bath when I texted Declan. He replied, "I’d stand beside the bath and open my jeans. Grabbing your wet hair, I’d push you into me until you can’t take it any deeper, while you play with yourself until you come."

And I played right along, enjoying every fictional fantasy that came my way, with no intention of ever meeting these cyber boys. 

Video sex with an ex.

Things escalated quickly when I spotted an old boyfriend on Hinge. 

It had been 16 years since we’d dated, but I’d recognise Aaron anywhere.

With baby blue eyes, a cheeky smile and drop-dead body, he still looked as sexy as ever. 

So for old time’s sake – and because I was still very keen to get under that – we jumped on a call. 

It was flirty right away, and before long we’d moved on to a video chat. 

Just me, lying in bed in my nightie, while he was shirtless under the covers. 

It was hard not to picture it... to imagine what could be. 

So as our imaginations ran wild, I pulled out my vibrator while he pulled back the sheets. 

Gripping one hand around himself, he lowered the camera until I could see just how much he wanted it. 

Watching him while he watched me, we got each other off together. 

Sexting my school crush.

"I’ll fill you in on a secret," the message read, "I’m going to be on a calendar this year."

I’d known Rowan since kindergarten, and we’d gone through 13 years of school together. But he was popular, and I was not, so we never spoke. 

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Until he popped up on my Instagram. 

Toned, tanned and now a freaking FIREFIGHTER, he was living the life on the east coast. 

Utterly tempted, I replied to one of his stories and surprisingly we got chatting. Then suddenly, we were flirting. 

And I was "joking" about why he wasn’t on a calendar already. 

At this point, he sent through a photo to prove it. Dressed in his uniform – well, the bottom half – he stood tall and topless, holding onto his helmet in one hand. The other hooked into top of his trousers, his thumb drawing the material down just enough to reveal that elusive male V and where his tan line ended. Smoke drifted across the shot.

And with that, the conversation got real dirty.   

Me: "If only I was at home with my toys. It’ll just have to be my fingers tonight." 

Rowan: "Now that does sound like fun. If only I could give you a hand."

Me: "That would be preferable. If you were behind me, reaching around, teasing me, while you pushed yourself inside me."

Rowan: "Mmm, I would love to tease you. First with my fingers, then my tongue. It wants to meet every inch of that amazing body of yours."

Me: "I need your hands all over me. And your mouth."

Rowan: "They wouldn’t leave you. They are craving every bit of you."

Rowan: "I want to push your hands above your head and hold you down. Take my mouth slowly over yours, down your neck, over those nipples and along your stomach. Then slowly down the inside of your legs and back up, running my mouth over your knickers, before getting a hold of them with my teeth."

Rowan: "Then I’d tease you with the head of my throbbing c*ck around your clit, before thrusting deep inside and having my way with you." 

Me: "I’m getting way too hot and bothered to be stuck on a train right now."

Rowan: "Well then you’re in luck. It’s my job to make hot things wet."

BRB JUST OFF TO SET MY HOUSE ON FIRE. 

Feature Image: Getty.