Could there be nothing more awkward than getting caught in the act by your parents. At their house? Mamamia regular and soon to be author, Kerri Sackville gives us 4 reasons why she can’t get jiggy with it while her parents are in the house…
There’s nothing better than holiday sex (except for, well, holiday food and holiday sleep). You get to do it at all hours of the day, you get to do it wherever you want, and, if you’re very lucky, someone else is going to wash the sheets for you afterwards.
Of course, I’m talking about holidays without children (which I vaguely remember from about 1,000 years ago). I’m on holidays with children. And that’s a very different kettle of sex.
Sex when you’re on holidays with the kids is much like sex when you’re at home with the kids. It happens only at night, in bed, after the children are asleep, and even then only if you can stay awake long enough to do the deed. After all, as any parent knows, a holiday with children is really not a holiday in the true sense of the word, unless you’re rich enough to take with you a butler, nanny and personal chef, in which case you’re no doubt rich enough to have these services at home, in which case you’re no doubt having plenty of sex at home as you’re not exhausted from looking after your kids all alone so this post isn’t relevant anyway.
ANYWAY…. this particular holiday has been even more devoid of sex than usual as my husband and I have been staying with my parents. And let me tell you, staying with one’s parents is NOT conducive to passionate love-making come nightfall (let alone first thing in the morning or in the afternoon). There are several reasons for this:
1. My parents might hear us going at it, and GOD knows I don’t want them knowing I have sex. Okay, so they know I’ve HAD sex (their three grandchildren are a dead giveaway) but they don’t need to know I still do it. I have made it very clear to them that my breeding days are over, and the idea that I might do the deed for recreational value only is WAY too much information for them to handle.
2. My parents might walk in mid-session. This is unlikely, as they do tend to knock, but the only way to know for sure that they will not enter the room while we’re doing the wild thing is for them to be in another house. At least a 20 minute drive away.
3. My parents might be having sex themselves (and yes, my fingers are trembling as I type those words). Of course, it’s highly, highly unlikely that they would do the deed as they are GRANDPARENTS and it is COMPLETELY inappropriate for GRANDPARENTS to engage is this kind of behaviour…. but I suppose it is technically possible. And if it is possible, then it is also possible (and now I’m really shaking) that they are having sex at the same time we are. And I don’t think I need to elaborate on what a truly horrible concept that is.
4. My parents are there. In the other room. And that is just not a sexy thought. Fullstop.
So what about you? Can you get jiggy jiggy when your parents are in the house?