real life

Attention all new (and future) mothers: You WILL have sex again.

You will have sex again. Promise.

Attention all new mothers. Let me tell you something that you may not believe right now. You will have sex again. More importantly, you’ll WANT to have sex again. And get this, you’ll probably even enjoy it.

Look, I know right now you can’t even begin to imagine anyone or anything going anywhere near your vagina but believe me, it will become a normal part of your life again. Luckily as women, we are born with an inbuilt ability to forget how bloody horrendous childbirth is because let’s face it, if we weren’t, the world would die out very quickly.

Will it be different though? I’m not going to lie, it WILL be different. But not necessarily in a bad way. In fact, I would go so far as to say that the older you get, the more enjoyable sex becomes. Child or no child. There are those immediate changes after giving birth that will affect both the experience and frequency in which you have sex though. For example.

You Sex Drive will wane.

In the first few weeks/months after giving birth, the new mothers’ sex drive will be affected by both the level of trauma she has sustained (either by Caesarean or vaginal delivery) and her pure and utter exhaustion.

A woman’s sex drive is a very cyclical thing at the best of times. When you’ve just effectively staged the Hunger Games in your vagina and you are running on 3 hours of sleep, it’s fairly safe to say that sex will not be high on your agenda.

It will be back again but you just have to wait it out until then.

Body Changes.

Apart from the obvious outward physical changes, there will be a lot more going on than before, predominantly in your mind. It doesn’t matter if you are one of the lucky ones that snaps back into shape three weeks after having a baby or if, like most of us, you still are very much bearing the evidence of having just given birth, you will be conscious of yourself naked. That first time getting ‘back in the saddle’ is daunting but don’t be embarrassed by your new, wider hips or extra skin. Your partner will not be judging you on this.

At least he or she had better not be.

Spilt Milk.

If you are breastfeeding, there’s a high chance that your breasts may leak.

If you are breastfeeding, there’s a high chance that your breasts may leak (or start squirting) milk — especially if they are stimulated by your partner.


Obviously, nipple-sucking is out of the question and showers tend to increase breast milk so they might also be a no-go area. The best idea is of course to express before engaging in sexy times. Look, I know nothing spells erotic like the sound of an electric breast pump but this really is only temporary and one day, you’ll look back and laugh.

Vaginal Engorgement.

Some women who never experienced vaginal engorgement will do so during or after pregnancy. This is when blood flow to your vagina increases, causing you to swell. This can make sex better or more painful; everyone is different.

There’s nothing you can do to prevent it. Soothe yourself by having a warm bath or applying ice if it causes discomfort. And if it’s the painful kind, maybe tell your partner that unless he wants his penis strangled, he might just want to wait a little longer.

Dry Vagina.

Your body is out of cycle and you aren’t having your period, which means the natural lubrication process that your body was once used to hasn’t yet regulated. Some women suffer temporary or long-term dryness after pregnancy. This can lead to painful or difficult sex.

All recommendations point to purchasing some good old-fashioned lube. Your body will eventually go back to making it’s own natural version of this, but until then, get thyself to a chemist.

Last but not least, remember, every woman is different and you may experience difficulty with all or possibly none of the above.

Also to remember: life isn’t the same now, so it’s only natural that your sex life, both physically and logistically, will also change. Most importantly, be open and honest with your partner and never feel pressured to have sex before you are ready.

I promise in time, you’ll forget about even having to contemplate your second ‘first time’ again.

What was your sex life like after you had a baby? Or if you haven’t had one yet, are you worried about how childbirth will affect your sex life?