dating

We need to talk about the secret cheating every woman does.

I think I speak for everyone in a relationship when I say: we all cheat. It’s just human nature. We cheat on holidays, at work, online and in real life. Some of us cheat when our partner is in the house.

Not with people, obviously. Ew.

I'm referring to the secret cheating that's far more shameful than the sexy kind. It's kind of using a white lie for personal gain so not white lying at all, but calling it that makes you feel better.

Like the time I was in London with my boyfriend and told him I was going to go for a walk to 'explore,' but really I went to Costa Coffee and got a toasted sandwich and a caramel slice AND a cookie, because I just needed to eat... alone.

Or the time I told him I unfairly got a parking ticket because I had only pulled up for a MOMENT, when in actual fact I parked in a no stopping zone for three hours and thought I'd be fine.

Or the time I stayed home from work because I was sick, but then felt better halfway through the day so decided to get my eyebrows done, and was then awkwardly caught out when he needed to come home early.

The definition of cheating is to "act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage," and this is literally a pillar of my relationship.

Listen: This woman’s ex husband is now cheating on his mistress with another girlfriend. Should she whistleblow or walk away?

Luckily, a number of other women in the Mamamia office admitted to the same thing.

The clothing cheat.

A certain person whom we'll call Fia Meedman for privacy purposes confessed to paying for clothes with cash so her husband won't be able to see what she's bought on their bank statement. When he asks where all the cash she's withdrawn has gone, she blames it on her children.

ADVERTISEMENT

The time alone cheat.

Mary*  tells her husband she needs to do a number two (I... I love this woman) and then sits in her bathroom scrolling through her phone while he looks after the baby.

The drinking cheat.

When Megan goes to pick up her kids at a friends house, sometimes the friends' mum has some... wine. And sometimes that wine makes its way into Megan's hands, and she ends up having a conversation that maybe goes for too long and she ends up making her partner significantly late for an important dinner because he needed the car. But the wine isn't to blame, and neither is Megan. It was the children. It was very chaotic getting them to leave their friends house and there were tantrums.

The stealing cheat.

Kelly refuses to actually pass on anything 'for' her partner. At a party, if someone has cake intended for her to take home to him, it simply becomes her snack on the way home.

The Netflix cheat.

Jessica can't look her partner in the eye on Monday nights. SHE'S ALREADY WATCHED GAME OF THRONES BECAUSE SHE HAS MONDAYS OFF AND WHAT KIND OF PERSON CAN WAIT UNTIL AFTER 6PM TO WATCH IT.

The blaming a friend cheat.

When Sarah came home smelling like cigarettes, she told her partner her group of friends had peer pressured her into smoking. He was very disappointed, and yes, she agreed her friends had treated her very badly and she was annoyed they had made her feel like she had to join in.

In fact, the opposite was true. She randomly felt like smoking and then pressured her friends to join in.

Deep down, we're all cheaters. And I'm sure we're all being cheated on.

To be honest, if my partner wasn't cheating on me, I'd assume he was a psychopath. That's some really scary shit.

Tags:
    00:00 / ???