'At 34 years old, I received a handwritten letter. It told me I was adopted.'

Growing up in Canberra and later Newcastle, radio host and dance studio owner Louise Wilkinson had a happy childhood. 

"I grew up as part of a very supportive and loving family," Louise tells Mamamia.

"My parents Pat and Ray were originally from the UK. My brother Neil, 13 years older than me, was like a second dad. By the time I was in kindergarten, he had already finished year 12."

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At 22, Louise got married and had two daughters, Olivia and Isabella, before separating from her husband in 2011. Then on an ordinary day in 2013, at 34 years old, Louise's universe was turned upside down after she received a letter at work.

"I was opening my dance studio with my dad when I saw a handwritten letter addressed to me and marked private and confidential. My dad does all my finances for the business and would usually open the mail but he thought I had a new man, so he gave it to me. 

"It was just 10 minutes before I was due to start teaching, but as soon as I sat down to read it, I started crying."

The handwritten letter was from Louise's biological mother, who had spent years trying to track her down. 

"The letter writer named Peggy began by asking if my name was Louise Wilkinson, born on the 25th of December 1975, in Canberra. She wrote she had been looking for somebody of my name after giving up a baby for adoption. 

"She said she was very respectful of my privacy, but she included her contact details and wanted me to get in touch.

"It was inconceivable to sit there and read that, but at the same time, a lot of things immediately clicked into place. I knew in my bones that what I was reading was true.

"My brother Neil, who is my parents' biological son, is six foot two and fair with their same English colouring. By comparison, I am exactly five foot. I looked at my dad and I said, 'Am I adopted?' and I've never seen the colour drain so quickly out of somebody's face."

Although her mind was racing, Louise had to put it all to one side and carry on working. That night, she messaged Neil to say she needed to speak to him. He confirmed what she already knew to be true.

"When I saw him, I just handed him the letter. He said that while he always respected our parents' stance on keeping the information private, he said he would have told me when they passed away. He was 13 when I was adopted, so he was interviewed as part of the process. 

"He had to keep the secret his whole life which really spoke to the sort of person he was. All those fights we had as siblings; he never once revealed anything or made me feel a lesser part of the family."

Before reaching out to her biological mum Peggy, Louise wanted the opportunity to chat with her parents Pat and Ray.

"I messaged my dad, who by then had spoken to my mum. I said that I wanted to hear the story from my family that loves me. So I went over there and my mum hugged me and said, 'I want to hug you in case this is the last hug you ever want to give me', which was awful."

Louise then heard the full story of what her parents had been through before they adopted her into their family.

"They told me how after Neil was born, they had a daughter called Amanda who died in horrific circumstances in a house fire. They later wanted another child but discovered they couldn't conceive, which is how they ended up on the path to adoption.

"It was 'closed adoption' in those days. Government officials would destroy the original birth certificate of the child and reissue it in the adoptive parents' names. The advice to parents at the time was to integrate the child into your family as if they were your own and never tell the child about their past. My parents took this official advice seriously, although mum said there were many times when she had wanted to tell me the truth."

Louise says that after hearing their story and processing the news, she believes it was better for her to uncover all this information as an adult.

"As much as it was an absolute shock, I felt like the universe had given me the time and space to process it and sit with it and see everybody's point of view. I could listen to what my parents had to say without judgement because at that point, I was a mum myself.  

"I could understand from my birth mother's point of view, the anguish of giving up a baby. I could understand my parents' wish to protect me and raise me in the best environment and not feel excluded from the rest of the family. And it really helped to have the maturity to see all these perspectives."

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The next step for Louise was to have her parents' blessing to get in touch with Peggy. 

"Mum and dad were so supportive and really wanted me to know more about my story and where I came from. 

"I wrote to Peggy immediately to explain that I didn't know I was adopted and had only just had the discussion with my parents. I said I just needed a couple of weeks to sit with this new information but I was sensitive to the fact that after three decades of not knowing anything, she was keen for an answer. I waited about four weeks before calling to organise a lunch in Newcastle."

The night before her first meeting with Peggy, Louise recalls feeling petrified.

"I knew that there was going to be a before and after this moment. And I nearly pulled the pin but my mum reassured me, saying she and dad were there for me.

"I met Peggy in the apartment she was staying at and then we went out to lunch. The first thing that she did was pick up my hand and check that my pinkie fingers were bendy! I have double-jointed pinkies and it was obviously ingrained in her memory. Later my parents came and met her and then we discussed her side of the story."

Louise and her family for the Christmas reunion. Image: Supplied.

Peggy fell pregnant at 16 to her then boyfriend, an Italian named Lino, in the small town of Port Kembla in New South Wales. As they were both from strict Catholic families, Peggy was pulled out of school and sent to her Aunty's place in Canberra to have the baby. Then she had to come home and get on with life without ever talking about the baby or what happened.

Peggy told Louise she began looking for her in the late 90s when the rules changed regarding access to closed adoption records. 

"She told me she thought about me every day and that she hated Christmas carols because it just reminded her of my birth. Because I'd married early, I changed my surname at 22, so it wasn't until I went back to my maiden name that she actually found me as part of an internet search. She dismissed it at first but her husband looked at a photo of me on my website and said, 'This girl is your daughter', which led her to write the letter. 

"She'd been looking for me for 10 years by the time I responded, so it was a very emotional reunion as you can imagine."

As Peggy was still in touch with Lino, she put Louise in touch with him. A few weeks later, the pair went out for dinner.

"As soon as I walked in the door to meet him, he knew it was me. And I'm like, 'There's no DNA test needed here!' I look exactly like him.

"He told me that his family had wanted to adopt me when I was born but they weren't able to because Peggy's family had her sent away. [Lino's mum] had always thought of me, so he was very keen for me to meet the rest of his family down in Port Kembla.

"It was a really profound moment as I met my three cousins who were exactly my height! They are so traditionally Italian and so welcoming and it was beautiful." 

Apart from finding out about her past and meeting her biological parents, Louise also discovered she had four half siblings - Peggy has two sons and Lino has a son and a daughter. 

"I've gained all these siblings. And that was a bit of a weird thing. Because, you know, I've been the baby in my family growing up and suddenly I was an older sister."

For the first Christmas after the reunions, Louise's parents invited her biological parents to have Christmas lunch with them for Louise's birthday. This was the first time that Lino and Peggy had seen each other in 36 years.

"That was a really emotional reunion for them. And my parents and my family being so accepting and allowing them to share that birthday with me for the first time just spoke to who they were as people."

Louise's mum sadly passed away in 2014 but she says that she had a lot of peace knowing that Louise knew her story.

"It actually changed our relationship for the better because I understood why I didn't look anything like her. 

"When I understood all of that, and I understood what she had actually done for me and what she'd gone through, it changed our relationship in a good way."

Louise says that discovering she was adopted at 34 has changed everything and nothing at the same time.

"The discovery changed absolutely nothing about how I felt about my family. I sometimes get asked if I was angry and I wasn't because I understood why they did what they did."

Fast forward almost another decade and Louise still sees Peggy regularly and her dad Ray, aged 82, is still helping with her dance business. 

"My mum will always have been my mum and Peggy knows and respects that. We have a good relationship now but it is different to that of a parent/child relationship. I haven't seen Lino much because of COVID and other factors but I have nothing but positive things to say about my extended biological family.

"I think it's important in life to think about what we do with these curveballs we get thrown. I could have used the shock as an excuse for bad behaviour but I chose to sit, listen and learn and use it as a stepping stone. 

"My family are extremely accepting of my story and the people that are in my life. Love isn't finite - it's not like I had to choose. I'm actually surrounded by love."

Laura Jackel is Mamamia's Family Writer. For links to her articles and to see photos of her outfits and kids, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

Feature Image: Supplied.