By: Nicole Barsky for Little Tsunami.
I didn’t know that he had passed away. I was at work and I said to my teaching partner, “I just don’t feel right today.” It was a strange feeling, just a funny inkling that I had. I’d been seeing my obstetrician weekly for scans because of past losses and fertility struggles, so I rang and said that I wanted to come in for a quick scan, just for reassurance.
As soon as he started scanning I saw the look on his face. I could see there was no movement, I could see there was no heartbeat. He said, “Look my machinery is probably not the greatest. How many weeks are you?” I was fourteen plus four. Archer measured fourteen plus four. If we were looking at a fetal demise I wouldn’t be measuring to date.
My obstetrician wanted to send me for a proper obstetric scan but it was about 6.30pm at night. A beautiful woman who was still open in Heidelberg said she’d wait for me. Eric, my husband, came and met me and took me down to her clinic. The minute the 3D image went up on the screen I could see that there was absolutely nothing. She said, “I’m really sorry.”
I’d had an early second trimester miscarriage and it had happened that very day. I was given medication to be induced, told to go home, and to wait and see if anything happened overnight. I went back to hospital at 8am the next morning and started having contractions. At 2pm I said to Eric, “Something’s happening” and at five minutes past 2pm, Archer was born.
The birth experience in itself was the most bizarre feeling. I had all of the contractions with labour but the delivery was totally different. He was just such a little baby. Everything was just swirling around and I remember saying to my midwife, “I’m going to…” and then I passed out. I had blood loss between 500ml to a litre – which they call moderate – but enough for me to feel completely woozy. That, and the shock of delivery.
In the maternity ward, I could hear all the babies crying. It was brutal but I wanted to meet Archer and this is where I had to do it. That’s when one of my beautiful midwives walked in with a bear from Pregnancy Loss Australia. There was a mum who’d provided the hospital with some bears in memory of her daughter, Skye. I sat with that bear all night.
This week as part of Never Forgotten: Mamamia's Pregnancy Loss Awareness Week we're remembering the babies we've lost. Post continues below.