sex

Therapists tell what it really means to say "Daddy" during sex.

Most people will spend their lives wanting to know whether their bedroom habits are ‘normal’ or not.

But unlike edible undies or a touch of bondage, there’s one sexy trait that’s so common it’s had several sex experts scratching their heads to try and determine how ‘normal’ it is.

What is it? Calling your partner, er, ‘Daddy’.

Yes, ‘Daddy’.

via GIPHY

In an article from Broadly, writer Bethy Squires spoke to several sexologists to try and understand why women call men Daddy, and just how freaky it really is.

Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, doesn’t think the nickname actually has anything to do with your father or incestual fantasties.

“I’ve heard from a fair amount of men who were turned off by it, and were worried that it was an indicator of ‘daddy issues,'” she said to Broadly.

“Yes, ‘daddy’ can mean ‘father,’ but we also use the word to indicate when someone is the boss, in charge, a protector, or doing a good job. That’s usually the meaning women are going for in the bedroom. It’s a bit of a 70s porn cliche. I’ve never run across a woman who called her partner ‘daddy’ because she genuinely liked fantasizing that he was her father.”


Listen and learn how you can consume porn in an ethical way. Post continues after audio.

Using the term Daddy, therefore, is more about treating your partner like a powerful and trustworthy figure. (Which sounds a lot weirder than it actually is.)

Sex is about power play, and by calling your partner Daddy, it’s about inviting them to be the dominant player in a safe context.

“I think that when that language comes up, it’s just as likely to be in a healthy relationship,” says couples therapist Dr Margaret Squires. “You’re getting back to very early warm attachments.”

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Speaking with Broadly, she doesn’t believe that there’s anything off-taste or paedophilic about the Daddy dynamic in the sack.

“Sometimes people are merely recognizing a pattern in their relationship. That’s why we have relationships, so we can rely on each other. It’s not necessary for everyone to be equally strong in all things.”

After all, on the flipside of the coin, the affectionate names of ‘baby’ or ‘bubba’ are pretty common for men to call their girlfriends, right? It doesn’t mean you actually want to infantilize your partner. It’s just a cute nickname.

Would you ever call your partner 'Daddy' in the bedroom? (Image: iStock)

Reddit, the bottomless pit of internet opinions, runs multiple threads on the topic. One entitled My (24F) bf likes me to call him 'Daddy' in bed. Is that weird? got a variety of responses, some supportive, some not so.

Service99 said "...it could mean not that he's her Daddy but rather Daddy is his role in the family. Plenty of women call their husbands Daddy even outside of the bedroom."

Another user, daetara, agreed that 'Daddy' was more of a relationship role than the literal meaning.

"I call my boyfriend daddy to our dogs," she writes. "He likes it, because he's daddy and I'm mommy. Not because I'm daughter. You know?"

But some people were not so forgiving.

"It's weird to me," said LikeGoldAndFaceted, "personally don't like being reminded of my dad during sex and I wouldn't call my partner daddy."

MM Confessions: The weirdest things we've heard while between the sheets. (Post continues after video)

Provided what you're doing it legal and consensual, who cares? Normal for one person is damn weird for another.

Of course, the main thing is to keep your bedroom roles fluid. Always being the submissive partner will be sure to get you stuck in a rut that no amount of sexy name calling is going to fix.

Whatever floats your boat, right?

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