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Mamamia recaps SAS Australia: Jana is clearly this year's MVP.

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If eating stodgy porridge, showering in freezing cold communal areas and being put through multiple soul-destroying tasks a day wasn't enough, Jana woke up with a mouse in her bed last night.

I'd rather have another log fight than sleep with a mouse.

The final five recruits do a cute lil bonding circle before heading out for... more physical pain.

In the car, they engage in some nice, light conversation about... Sam's relationship breakdown and public downfall.

"We were just not meant for each other," he says. 

"I was trying to force things. I wanted a family, I wanted kids, I wanted the dream, right? A house, well I had it all... but I probably pushed her.

"There were a few things I knew weren't quite right, but I thought 'I could change that, I can help that, I can mend that, [but I] couldn't do it."

He said that two years after his wedding he asked his mum if this was what marriage was supposed to be like, and she told him he'd never make his ex happy.

What is it about car chats that make you so ~vulnerable~?? Image: Channel 7.


Can you imagine getting this physically ruined every day for two weeks, and still having the capacity for deep conversations? I think at this point, my communication skills would've reverted back to me circa 1993 ("food!" "no!" *throws tantrum*).

Today's first challenge is to transport a VIP over the border.

I think the aim is to represent a high-risk task in a far-away land, but considering everything happening right now, that really could just mean chucking Scott Morrison in the boot of a car and trying to get into Queensland.

They've got to drive a car through a bunch of obstacles, avoid armed enemies and... then drive straight through a 'border checkpoint' to avoid getting captured.

If they fail, they'll metaphorically die, and so will the metaphorical VIP and their very valuable information, which will presumable doom us all. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

No pressure (well actually, yes pressure, because pressure is the theme of this episode.)

Mark is first, and he likes fast cars, so driving this beat up 4WD should be easy.

Turns out... yeah. He's not confident about it, but Mark does all the right things and passes.

Me, playing Corners in the backseat: "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Image: Channel 7.


Me, still playing Corners in the backseat: "HOLY SH*T WTF AHFHSIUFHF" Image: Channel 7.

Angry British man Billy then tells us about the time he had to do basically this scenario in Haiti with SEAN PENN in the car. Shook.

Sam passes too, and then Dan, after making it through the course, reverses instead of ploughing straight through the checkpoint, meaning he and his Allegedly Very Important Person both fake die.

C'est la vie!

Turns out Dan is not stoked about fake dying, because he thinks he should've fake lived. 

"Who says driving you back towards a wall of bullets would have us killed anyway??" Image: Channel 7.


He tries to backtrack and explain his way out of his mistake and I mean, it's been 12ish days, you should know that sh*t doesn't fly here, Heath Braxton!

Dr Jana bloody smashes it and even has the lovely idea to protect her VIP by pushing their head down as she takes out the checkpoint.

The angry British men bloody loved that!

THRILLED at being saved from potential death. THRILLED I TELL YOU. Image: Channel 7.

Meanwhile, Dan is SO SALTY ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE'S WINS. The shade in his "that's greats" is so strong I can feel it through my screen.

Finally, John also quickly and decisively smashes through the border check. 



Over lunch, the dudes all praise Jana for being a bloody legend. AS THEY DAMN WELL SHOULD. 

The council of angry British men have gathered to go over the recruits efforts and... uh oh.

Angry British Foxy overheard Dan telling tales about how he 'went into reverse to gain momentum to go forward' or some other bullsh*t, and THIS IS GONNA BE GOOOOOOOD.

He's hauled in for interrogation and sticks to his line: he reckons he made the right decisions today, but just didn't execute them correctly.


The angry British men are like, 'you're just saying this because you're embarrassed that you're the only one to fail' and Dan begins to say that's not the case when HOLYYYYY SHIT.


All I can say is, thank goodness this was filmed BD (before Delta). Image: Channel 7.

He's yelling about owning your mistakes, integrity and how he is 'p*ssed right off' (you don't say?)


Omg. That is the one place I thought they were safe from the angry British yelling.


When he gets back to the room, he tries to explain to everyone else why they were yelling but he still doesn't quite... get it.

Just say you made a mistake and move on, please. We simply cannot take this storyline being drawn out any further.

That night, everyone is trying to sleep except John, who is fascinated by the return of his old friends, his abdominal muscles.

#Fitspo. Image: Channel 7.

Nice to meet you, guys.

It's just before midnight and the recruits and their abs are sleeping soundly.

What an opportune time for a surprise ambush.

The celebs are quickly 'detained' by the bad guys/angry British men and put in a pitch black prisoner holding cell, which has just been... chilling on the camp's grounds waiting for this moment.

They're bound and shackled, and the test is to see if anyone is game enough to try to escape.

Honestly, if the shipping container parading as a bunker is mice-free, I think I'd prefer to just stay in there.

This picture is yet another reason to always wear pants to bed. Image: Channel 7.


Jana is the first to try to suss out her surroundings, meaning she uncovers the carabiner clip that can help them escape.



All the men just... stand there, probably waiting to be fake killed by fake hostiles, again. 

Jana enlists the help of John, who is able to free one wrist from his constraints. He finds the way out of the chain and helps everyone else get free.

Jana is out here carrying a plank of wood like she's ready to smack an angry British head off.

Angry James Bond stands NO chance. Image: Channel 7.



With everyone free, the staff call time on the task and send everyone back to bed.

The problem is, there's a YUGE spider and lots of mice in the room. Now would be a good time for snark and judgement, but I know for a fact I would be squealing like an actual child, so I will just keep quiet on that one.

Despite the fact it's the middle of the night, Jana is called in for an interrogation.

She says being the only woman left is giving her some courage, but she is still trying to see herself among the course's top recruits.


"As a young person I was very vocal with my ability. I would say 'I think I can make the Olympic final', or 'I think I can win the Olympics', and in our country that's not always something that should be done.

"We like the underdog. We like the person to not be so outwardly confident in their discussion about themselves, and I got hammered for that a little bit in the press, so I think therefore maybe now I down talk myself."


Image: Channel 7.


Thankfully, she says she's felt a new, strong connection between her physical and mental strength recently which is "empowering".


Angry James Bond encourages her to keep that spark for the rest of the course,

She tells us that nothing would beat the feeling of hearing the DS tell her at the end of all this that physically and mentally; she is enough.

And look. We still have a couple of eps to go. So, I'm going to beat them to it: YOU ARE BLOODY FABULOUS, AND YOU ARE ENOUGH.

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Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer. For more pop culture takes, sarcasm and... cat content, you can follow her on Instagram.

Feature image: Channel 7.

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