Fellow S Club 7 fans: Get excited.

You’re about to find out what the seven greatest musicians of all time* are up to now.

(*I genuinely don’t know if the members of S Club 7 are musicians. I don’t think they can play instruments. It is possible they can’t even sing. It is possible they are malfunctioning 90s robots. LET’S FIND OUT!)

Let’s jam. Post continues below video.

Is Tina still doing her dance?

Is Jon still looking for romance?

Is Paul still gettin’ down on the floor?

By God, is Hannah still screaming out for more??!?!!?

If you’re like me, and you still want to see Bradley swing, and Rachel do her thing, and you’re wondering whether Jo still got the flow, GET READY EVERYBODY COS HERE WE GO!

Tina Barrett.

Tina, now 43, released a solo single called Fire in 2012. Friends, I’m sorry, but this is not a good song. Not in the fun way that Reach is not a good song, but in the way that you never want to listen to it again and there’s a weird speak-rapping bit in the middle of it where the words aren’t even discernible.

At the beginning of 2020 she released another song called Mwah Mwah. It is... really something.

In fact, Tina hasn't done that much else, but did help form the reboot of S Club 7 to become S Club 3 in 2017.  She is now also the mother of her son, Roman.

Jon Lee.

Jon, now 38, pursued his musical interests with roles in various West End productions, including Les Miserables, Jersey Boys, Love Shack and Aladdin.

He publicly came out as gay in 2010 in an interview with Gay Times magazine.

"If someone had said 'are you gay?' I would have said yes, but no-one ever did. I've never felt the need to leap out of the closet singing and dancing about it. I've always known I was gay, from a very young age," he explained.

He said he came out to family and friends at a young age, and that "it's never needed to be a huge change that I've had to tell everyone about".

Jon recorded a solo album called Fallen Angel in 2013. I found a review that gave it a "4", but I couldn't tell if that was a 4/10 or a 4/5, so I listened to it and... It's a 4/10. Sorry, Jon.

 

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A post shared by SClub7.com (@sclub7com) on Apr 26, 2020 at 12:23pm PDT

As far as we can tell, he also has no Instagram which makes my job infinitely harder. Ugh.

Paul Cattermole.

As any die-hard fan would know, Paul was the first band member to leave S Club 7, and therefore the worst. He then played in a "nu-metal" band called Skua. He claimed he doesn't regret leaving the band, but, look, come on Paul. Skua? S-kua? S-klua? S-klub? S CLUB 7?

Now 43, Paul left Skua without a frontman after the release of their only album due to his commitments with S Club 7's brief 2014 reunion. He was also part of spin-off group S Club 3 from 2008 to 2015.

In a recent interview with The Guardian, Paul revealed his five year relationship with fellow band member Hannah Spearritt "did not happen organically".

When asked by journalist Elle Hunt if he felt forced into the relationship, he responded: "Yeah, but like I say. It didn't feel like that because I had totally grown into the idea, quite quickly. I thought she was great."

Whilst his relationship may have been forced, the band's friendship never was, with Paul adding: "We were closer than many pop groups – people that used to work with us said: 'Wow, you guys actually speak, you actually stay in the same room.' Most of them don't."

 

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A post shared by Paul Cattermole (@paul_cattermole) on Jan 31, 2019 at 4:21am PST

In a twist, Paul and Hannah actually got back together in June 2015, but they broke up again in November the same year.

He's also been open about his financial struggles, despite the success of the band. In 2018, he was found to be selling his Brit award on eBay for a reported £60,000, and during an appearance on British talk show Loose Women he said he owed about £30,000 in taxes and more in legal fees.

Hannah Spearritt.

Since the band's split, Hannah, now 39, moved away from singing into acting, landing a role alongside Frankie Muniz in Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London in 2003.

She had a recurring role on drama Primeval from 2007 to 2011 and was an actor on EastEnders in 2017/2018, where she played Kandice Taylor.

The now 38-year-old gave birth her first child in September 2018, with partner Adam Thomas.

 

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A post shared by Hannah Spearritt Actor/singer (@hannahspearritt) on Sep 8, 2019 at 5:12pm PDT

Bradley McIntosh.

Following S Club 7's split, Bradley tried to make a new group called Upper Street with assorted members from other bands like Steps, New Kids on the Block and 911. This sounds amazing, but it was not. Their song, The One, barely made it into the UK Top 40 and the intro music sounds suspiciously like a less-good version of Eminem's "Just Lose It".

After that, Bradley, now 38, went on a show called Celebrity Sport Relief, where he lost a boxing match against Jack Osbourne (yes, really).

 

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A post shared by ???????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????? (@london_citiboy) on Jun 10, 2019 at 9:34am PDT

In 2017 Bradley had some real commercial success, kind of. He wrote a song for a band called Bars and Melody that went number one in Poland. He also forms part of the spin-off, S Club 3 and has a three-year-old son Kairo with partner Kalista Koumi .

Rachel Stevens

Let's put it out there up front, because we're all thinking it: Rachel was, and continues to be, the coolest and best band member. And yeah, before you ask. She's still doing her thing.

Following the band's split, Rachel was offered a solo record deal reportedly worth six figures, and released two albums. In the interests of journalistic integrity, I actually listened to some of her songs, and they are not the worst. They are actually quite catchy! I think Rachel is my new favourite band!

Sadly, she hasn't released any music since 2005, but she's been doing other things, like being a guest judge on X Factor New Zealand, a real judge on X Factor Ireland, appearing in the movie Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, and being named FHM's Sexiest Woman of all Time.

All in a day's work for my pal Rachel.

She found love with actor Alex Bourne and they married in 2009. They had their first daughter Amelie a year later, and three years later welcomed a second daughter Minnie.

 

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Looking forward to days out exploring London again when things have settled down ????⁣ ⁣ (???? taken before social distancing)

A post shared by Rachel Stevens (@msrachelstevens) on May 18, 2020 at 2:07am PDT

In perhaps the least surprising turn of events possible, Rachel is now a pretty successful Instagram influencer; her fashion posts are actually great.

Jo O'Meara

In September 2005, Jo's debut single What Hurts the Most was number 13 on the UK Charts. Since then, she's been around the reality TV block (although not actually on The Block), starting with BBC reality show Just The Two Of Us and graduating to Celebrity Big Brother in 2007, where she was widely accused of racist and bullying behaviour towards another contestant. Oh.

In 2008 she gave birth to a son named Lenny.

In 2017, Jo auctioned off S Club 7 memorabilia in an effort to raise money for animal rights. Sadly, it seems like nobody likes S Club 7 enough to pay the big bucks for any of their old stuff, so her big ticket items (like a signed copy of the original script of the S CLUB 7 MOVIE!!!!) still only sold for less than $300.

 

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Happy Sunday Everyone !! I have been asked to sing this quite a lot so I thought tonight is the night !!! Hope you enjoy ????

A post shared by Jo O’Meara (@jo_omeara) on Apr 26, 2020 at 8:32am PDT

She's a member of S Club 3, but GET THIS: her Instagram account says 'New Solo Album coming this summer'. No, I didn't add those capital letters. Jo takes her music so seriously she deems it a proper noun.

Simon Fuller

And where is Simon Fuller, the band's creator and manager, now? Well, it turns out he's a hugely successful music producer who is not at all affected by or interested in the goings on of S Club 7 and/or 3.

In fact, in 2017 he joined with the four original members of ABBA to plan the movie Mamma Mia 2, so he's doing by far the best out of everyone.

Oh, and his net worth is US$600 million.

Good onya, Simon.

NOTE: Get around S Club 7 on Spotify. I'm not kidding. Their music stands the test of time. Indeed, it has IMPROVED WITH AGE. Hell, dive deep into their back catalogue! Who knows what gems are hidden there!

RETRACTION OF NOTE: Do not dive deep into the S Club 7 back catalogue. Only four S Club 7 songs stand the test of time. You know which ones. Let us not sully the band's good name by listening to their other, very bad, music. I thank you.