Annnnnd the producers are officially struggling to make this show interesting at this point in any way, shape or form. We open (AGAIN) on Peen Palace, with a couple of the Peen Owners passing time by playing a game of chess:
Because obviously, when left in Peen Palace with nothing to do, the boys turn to intellectual pursuits while fully dressed. We only ever saw the ladies sitting around in short-shorts bitching about each other, because ladies be silly dumb dumbs and men be all #mateship #goodaussieblokes etc etc etc
Oshie’s Hair arrives with the single date card, and gives one of the best “You’ll never have what I have” looks to Michael that I’ve ever seen:
We clearly have another time-filler episode on our hands, since the next five minutes are spent rehashing everything Davey did on his date with Bachie Queen. In case we’ve forgotten. Since yesterday. #TimeFillerEp
Lots of “What could the date clue mean/Who will be on the date card/I hope it’s me on the date card/But it might be someone else on the date card/Rosie already needs a wine because clearly nothing is going to happen tonight” etc etc etc
Richie gets the single date. Then – TWIST! – (because this is literally as exciting as this episode is going to get) Oshie leaves them with the group date card at the SAME TIME. Can you believe that?!? The single date card and the group date card being handed out at the SAME TIME?!? Well, that is just crazy talk. The Bachelorette this season is soon exciting and just refuses to follow any damn rules and isn’t this just a mile a minute and how could any episode ever get as exciting as that unexpected and surprising twist?
Hold me, I can’t handle the excitement.
GROUP DATE TIME!
It’s a test of strength and skill at a ‘carnival’, and my budget concerns have resurfaced, since this looks like the kind of carnival that Cletus from The Simpsons would have his wedding reception at. Last year we got Luna Park, this year we get a few games plonked in the mud, with what I’m sure is an off-brand Hooters called ‘Knockerz’ just out of shot.
The Peen Owners compete on a bunch of carnival games for some one-on-one time with Bachie Queen. The editors, bless their hearts, pull out every trick in their box to try and make it interesting. There’s dramatic music. There’s lots of shots of Dave The Plumber looking like he might cry and/or poop himself if he doesn’t win. We literally spend almost two segments across an ad break just watching the Peen Owners whack a bell with a hammer.
More games/faux drama/competition etc. They even put ‘tug-of-war in there, since this back-alley budget carnival clearly doesn’t have enough games for them to play.
Dave The Plumber wins, which I’m a little disappointed about, because I would have loved to have seen the poop-related meltdown I was hoping he was headed for.