Annnnnd we’re back. Episode 3 traditionally sees the Girl Prisoners humiliate themselves in some kind of physical challenge in which they must compete for Dickie Bach’s peen, so this should be an important viewing experience for women, on par with Emma Watson’s formal address to the UN.
Wooop woop – looks like it’s time to rehash some DRAMAAAH: The Channel Ten editors cannot believe how much they lucked out with Super Villain Keira de Vil this year, so we open tonight’s ep with a reminder that Super Villain Keira de Vil is a Super Villain, who probably feasts on the raw hearts of puppies, while laughing at Youtube footage of orphans talking about how much they wish they had parents.
We get a total replay of last week’s DRAMAAAH, in which Super Villain Keira de Vil got mad at Innocent and Lovely Single Mum Alex about something random that I didn’t really understand. They both had a lot to say about the DRAMAAAH:
Super Villain Keira de Vil Super Villain-ness once again established, we cut to the Girl Prisoners in the Girl Prison just casually hanging around the pool being totally casual, definitely not all conveniently in the same place at the same time because Oshie is about to turn up-
Hair: On Point.
Outfit: On Point. With an Apple Watch AND a Fitbit. Both tracking devices planted by Queen Sully.
Explaining skills for the Girl Prisoners who are confused about the rules of polygamy: On Point.
Some rando Girl Prisoner lets the others know that Megan who really likes free-diving has scored the date. Super Villain Keira de Vil claps and smiles along with everything else, but that isn’t villain-y enough, so the editors helpfully add some sinister music. And, you know, she’s wearing black so… EVIL.
SINGLE DATE TIME!
Dickie Bach thoughtfully drives himself to the date in a very fancy car (we get it guys, you’ve got cash this year, no more Nissans, SWEET RIDES ONLY). I can only assume Megan hitched a ride in the back of the van used to take Oshie from his Channel Ten dungeon to the Girl Prison each day. Dickie Bach and Girl Prisoner #7 are having a picnic overlooking the sea, but because Queen Sandra Sully released the funds this year, THEY’RE DOING IT HANGING FROM A CRANE, BITCHEZ.
I have some questions about this scenario:
a) how the hell did they get on the money picnic crane
b) was Megan actually serious when she said to Dickie Bach, “I can’t believe you thought of this!”
c) Why did Megan have her arm around Dickie Bach and not that MASSIVE BOWL OF LINDT BALLS?
That's more like it.
Blaaaah talk talk love something talk free diving talk. Nothing. It’s the conversation equivalent of this:
Back at the Girl Prison, the Group Date Card arrives, and Super Villain Keira de Vil reads the names and is quite lovely and fun about it and that’s not sticking to the Super Villain theme and this is NOT ON BRAND so we quickly cut back to Dickie Bach and one of the blonde girls from WA.