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Rosie Recaps: All seven seasons of Gilmore Girls.

** There are NO SPOILERS for the new season of Gilmore Girls here. This recap is for catch-up purposes only. So, it’s safe to look.**

Okay. So. The show is based around a mother and daughter – Lorelai and Rory, who live in a town called Star’s Hollow. Lorelei was raised by super-rich parents but then she went and had s.e.x. with her boyfriend and got knocked up at 16.

She won’t marry her boyf cos she’s all like, “Thanks for the sperm, but I’m too young,” and her parents get mad and refuse to support her, so she takes her pregnant belly and runs away to live at an inn, which feels like a fancy way of saying ‘bed and breakfast’. She starts off as a maid and works her way up to manager while she raises Rory.

Don’t want to read? Listen to Rosie’s recap, here. 

Cut to 16 years later, Lorelai is 32 and Rory is 16, and they are quirky, fast-talking, coffee maniacs, who, because they’re so close in age because Lorelai got knocked up so early, seem more like best friends than mother and daughter. Also, Rory is a straight up genius, and gets accepted into a very fancy private high school BUT – plot twist to drive the story forward! – Lorelai can’t afford tuition fees at the very fancy high school on her inn-manager salary. So she needs to ask her super rich parents Emily and Richard, who kicked her out of home at her time of pregnant need, if they’ll lend her the money. They agree to lend her the fancy school money if she and Rory promise to come to dinner every Friday night. They do, and Gilmore Girls begins.

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Rory and Lorelai. Image via The CW. 
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At the Inn, Lorelai works with Chef Suki, played by Melissa McCarthy, and a French concierge called Michel. At the rich fancy school, Rory’s frenemy is a girl called Paris, who is threatened by how much of a high-achiever Rory is. Rory’s real bestie though is a girl called Lane, who attends the shitty public school that the dummies who aren’t as smart as Rory go to.

The other main dude of the show is a guy called Luke, a sexy, rugged person who looks like he never showers and always seems cranky. He owns the coffee shop that Lorelai and Rory get their 10-times-a-day fix from. Also, he is clearly in love with Lorelai and Lorelai is clearly in love with him, so we know there’s going to be some Moonlighting/FranFine MrSheffeild love tension.

Luke and Lorlei. Image via WB.

During the first season, Rory falls in love with her first proper boyf, a dude called Dean who goes to the public school. But then they totes have a fight and she kisses a fancy private school boy called Tristan, who is totes Paris’ major crush so then Paris gets super mad. Then Rory is like, “Soz didn’t mean it actually I love Dean” and they get back together.

Lorelai has a thing with Rory’s English teacher, Max, but breaks it off with him because she obviously loves Luke. But then she sees Luke with his old fiancee who has randomly come back to Star’s Hollow and is all “I still love you Luke”, so Lorelai freaks that she’ll be alone forever and goes running back to Max like “Lol I made a mistake let’s chat” then he’s like, “Forget chat, let’s get married”. Lorelai says yes, and poor heartbroken Luke sees the whole thing, because he had just kicked his ex-finacee to the curb, and was running to Lorelai to profess his love, but got there just in time to see her agree to marry another dude. Brutal.

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Seasons 2,3,4,5, 6 and 7 kinda go the same way. Lorelei and Rory both date dudes and get engaged and then unengaged while dealing with all their other life problems, drinking coffee and talking to each other really, really fast.

Talking so very fast. Image via WB. 

Along the way, Sookie gets married and has babies, Lane has to deal with her super strict Korean mother, and then ends up married with babies. Michel stays the same stereotypical gay ‘but we’re scared to ever really mention that he’s gay’ character that he was from day one. Paris ends up at Harvard medical school cos she’s an epic smart biatch.

Rory eventually gets into her dream college Harvard, but turns it down to study journalism at Yale. Lorelei eventually manages to open her own Inn with Sookie called The Dragonfly, which is a dream come true for her cos she’s like, “suck balls everyone who said I wouldn’t make anything of myself cos I got knocked up at 16, I totes own a fancy inn now.”

Lorelai and Rory stop talking for a while when Rory goes off the rails, gets arrested, quits college and moves in with her grandparents. Also, Lorelai stops talking to her parents for a while when they interfere with her love life and kinda ruin her relationship with Luke, SO, you know, there’s stretches where people ain't talking to other people, but everything works in the end because this is network television.

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Rory goes through a strange rebellious phase. Image via WB.

Rory dates a dude called Jess but he breaks her heart and she ends up with fancy billionaire Logan. Lorelei and Luke are on and off and on and off, until eventually they’re off and Lorelai marries Rory’s dad for like two seconds but then realises she wishes she and Luke were back on so she’s like “so, marriage is over”.

Finally, Lorelai is a super-successful business lady with her fancy inns and Rory graduates journalism at Yale and is offered a spot as a reporter for Obama’s presidential campaign. Rory turns down a proposal from her billionaire boyf Logan, because she wants to focus on her career and he’s all like, “Nah baby, I’ll look after you” and she’s like “ew, I’ll look after myself thanks #feminism.” Lorelei sings Luke a song at Karaoke and they both get that look where they lock eyes and you know they’re probs going to have sex later and then forever.

The show ends with the whole of Star’s Hollow throwing Rory a quirky Star’s Hollow-esq partay to wish her well before she goes off to write smart things about Obama.

#Coffee #talkingfast #the end

Listen to the full episode of The Binge, here.

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