entertainment

Things more successful than Robin Thicke's new album.

We thought it was bad when Robin Thicke’s new album only sold 530 copies in the UK.

Then we heard it only sold 54 copies in Australia.

FIFTY FOUR.

We ran lemonade stalls on the corner of our streets growing up that were more successful than that.

Actually.

There are a lot of things ranging from mediocre to pretty goddamn terrible that fared better than Robin Thicke’s new album. Let’s go through a few, shall we?

11 things more successful than Robin Thicke’s new album.

Vegemite 2.0

The TV show The Shire.

Madonna’s film career.

Rebecca Black’s infamous single, “Friday”.

Russell Crowe’s band.

Buskers who pretend to be statues.

The weird green milk sold only in Canberra.

Lara Bingle’s reality TV show.

Vanilla Coke.

Benedict XVI’s Papacy.

James Middleton’s Instagram marshmallows.

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And we reckon we’ve had more failed attempts at juice cleanses this year than copies of Robin Thicke’s new album sold in Australia.

Actually.

There are lots of weird, interesting things. Let’s go through a few, shall we?

Things there are more of than copies of Robin Thicke’s new album sold in Australia.

There are more people going to live on Mars.

There are more people who have been to space.

There are more urban bee-keepers in Sydney alone.

More people killed in volcanoes annually.

More kids killed in freak hot dog accidents.

More people struck by lightning. Twice.

More critically endangered Javan Rhinoceroses.

And the Javan Rhinoceros is so rare that our rather mainstream image subscription service didn’t have a picture of them, so we had to use this illustration.

There are so few people who have purchased Robin Thicke’s album that we are holding a contest. If you can produce a docket which shows us that you bought this man’s record in Australia before July 11, you will win our undying suspicion and judgement.

Because, seriously, Australia. You’ve done good.

What’s something you can think of that Australia supported more than Robin Thicke’s new album?

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