rogue

"This isn't a sociable house". A renter's bizarre 11 rules for future housemates is going viral.

Anyone who’s rented a home with relative strangers knows share-housing can be difficult at times.

But we’re guessing very few people have faced a living situation like the one described in a list going viral on Twitter right now.

The list, shared by Twitter user rxdazn, was written by an unknown renter for prospective housemates of an apartment in London and describes 11 rules for moving in. Yep, 11.

And these aren’t just your typical requests – “no smokers”, “no pets” etc. No, this person is very particular about the type of person they want living with them.

For starters, you need to have a “normal” nine-to-five job – shift-workers and students need not apply. Oh, but don’t expect to cook your breakfast before work – there’s no cooking before 8.30am.

The resident wants their flatmates to be out of the house from 9am to 5pm – because they work from home and want the flat to themselves – which “shouldn’t be a problem” if you have a “proper job”. Because waiters, nurses, chefs and police don’t actually do any work, do they?

Secondly, they want someone who doesn’t slam doors and is generally quiet. Which maybe doesn’t sound so bad… until you learn what their definition of quiet is.

“I used to have a flatmate who was on Skype for two to three hours every day. I won’t have that,” they wrote.

Even if you’re talking “quietly”, this person is not interested. And it’s not just communicating with others verbally they have a problem with – it’s also listening to the radio, podcasts and laughing.

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“If you’re laughing out loud until after 11pm… still the same thing.”

Mamamia staff share their own housemate pet peeves.

By the fourth point, they explain what anyone reading the list to this point would have already figured out: “This isn’t a sociable house”.

Once again, if you want to have parties or “watch TV” with your housemate, don’t move in here. But that doesn’t mean they want you to be a loner like them. No, they want any future housemate to be always leaving the house to hang out with friends – just as long as, as per point ten, they’re not coming over to visit too often.

“If you’re doing some interesting things with your life as well, that’s even better (also because we’ll have something to talk about when we run into each other).”

The renter is also very strict about the use of the toilet: “If you have to run to the toilet 15 times a day or every 15 minutes, don’t move in here”; and the kitchen: “There’s no cooking in this flat before 8.30am and after 11pm”.

“I don’t like people spending cooking in general. If you only eat cooked/fried meals because you don’t know how to make a sandwich… this isn’t the place for you.”

After getting through all 11 points (which oddly doesn’t have an 11th point because they skipped straight to 12) the renter concludes their Facebook message with what is probably the most ridiculous statement on the list.

“Please be sure that if we both have an understanding about the above points we won’t have any problems. I’m quite easy-going and I ‘live and let live’.”

So it seems what this renter needs, more than anything, is a dictionary – because that is not the list of someone “easy-going”.

Twitter users had fun mocking the author and also sharing their own housemate horror stories.

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Have you ever lived with a strict housemate? How did you survive?

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