These are the lies most retail workers are telling you.

No, that poo-coloured shirt they told you looked amazing does not in fact suit you. It just doesn’t.

As we all know, retail workers are the most powerful people that have ever and will ever exist.

They provide advice on the very clothes on your back, and seeing as they have an official uniform/are dressed smartly/have a neat looking badge, we tend to implicitly trust everything they say.

Unfortunately, like the rest of us regular plebs, retail workers may not always be 100% truthful.

In fact, sometimes they may even lie. We are of course as shocked as you are.

After a quick poll of current and former retail-workers, here are just some of the most common lies told, vs the truth that will usually only exist in their head.

1.  “Sorry, company policy.”

Truth: If you weren’t such an arsehole, I would’ve made an exception for you. Not this time, though.

2. “I’ll go check out the back.”

Truth: Salesperson will go out the back, sit on floor and look at phone before telling the customer “sorry we’re all out”

3. “That colour would really work for you.”

Truth: “The thing you’re trying now is suuuuuper unflattering.”

4. “We don’t do over the phone transactions.”

Truth: I cannot be fucked doing an over the phone transaction.

5. “Yeah it’s all handmade in Australia.”

Truth: Nope.

6. “I have that – I wear it all the time.”

Truth: We need to sell some of those. Please buy it. Please, please buy it.

7. “That tie and shirt are amazing together.”

Truth: Tie was gold. Shirt was purple. Enough said.

8. “This is the finest A-grade wool!”

Truth: A-grade wool is actually quite bad.

9. “It’s being re-ordered so call us in a week.”

Truth: Please leave the store you’re the worst and I have no idea what’s happening with the item so I’m hoping it’ll be someone else’s issue.

10. “That dress is flying off the shelves – I only have one left in your size.”

Truth: There’s literally 16 of these out the back.

11. “That really does work with your hair.”

Truth: It doesn’t work with any other part of your body.

12. “Oh yeah that’s a great $3000 handbag, I’ve been tossing up whether to get it or not myself!”

Truth: My youth allowance hasn’t come in yet and I’ve eaten lentils for 6 days straight.

13. “That one item actually doesn’t look as good as the others.”

Truth: My Manager has instructed me to pick the cheapest item you’re holding and tell you it doesn’t look good in order to build your trust and convince you to buy the rest of the items.

14. “Okay lean over so I can check – nope I can’t see your undies through these designer sports tights!”

Truth: I don’t think you want to know if they’re see-through.

We know this can’t be all of them. What are some lies you’ve told or heard in retail?

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