'I never had kids or grandkids. The grief only hit me in my 60s.'

When Cathy Fraser reached her 60s, more and more of her friends became grandparents.

She never expected the grief to hit so later in life.

"It's only in the last year or so that the grief of not having grandchildren of my own hit me. I had this visceral feeling of getting these pins and needles through my body when I was upset about it," the 67-year-old explained to Mamamia.

From her mid-20s up until her 40s, Fraser and her then-partner were trying for a baby. Sadly Fraser would later be told that endometriosis had impacted her fertility.

She was upset by the news, but it was an entirely different level of grief compared to the realisation she wouldn't be a grandparent.

Nowadays, more and more of Fraser's friends love to share photos of their grandkids, and while Fraser is "genuinely interested", it can feel isolating.

She said: "Too often there's seemingly no awareness that I'm not part of such a world. With a smile, I often share photos of my cats and of the youngsters of my distant relatives overseas. It feels lesser, but I do it anyway. Still the penny doesn't drop, no comment is made, no recognition is given of what I lack."

Fraser, who appears on SBS' Insight this Tuesday night for their 'Leaving A Legacy' episode, said it's challenging to put words around her grief.

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But recently, Fraser did exactly that via an article she wrote for Sydney Morning Herald.

"My biggest regret in life is not being a mother. My second-biggest regret is not being a grandmother," she penned in the piece. "The labels stay with you forever but rarely seem thought about by those who take the blessings of grandparenthood for granted."

The response she received from readers blew her away.

"I wanted to get my emotions down on paper, because I couldn't find anything else published to help me cope," she told Mamamia.

"But there's nothing unique about it — there are lots of us out there who don't have grandchildren for a variety of reasons. We just deal with it in different ways. You're not grieving the loss of something that was there in our case — it's an abstract grief over something you never had. It has an emptiness to it."

Over the years, various people in Fraser's life have made comments that have hurt her. They weren't comments made with bad intentions. Rather, many likely didn't know that not having kids hadn't been a 'choice' for Fraser.

'You're so lucky, you can do whatever you like whenever you choose.'

'You get more sleep than me, you can't know what it's like.'

'Why not have kids? They bring so much meaning.'

Before her retirement, Fraser was an accomplished GP who cared for ill children throughout much of her career. She says that sometimes certain parents would feel she was "incompetent" to look after their ill child because she wasn't a mother herself.

"It struck a negative chord with me because there was an attitude that suggested if I gave health advice, it wasn't always welcome," she noted.

Cathy Fraser shares her story with Mamamia. Image: Supplied.

14 years ago, Fraser remarried. At the time when she wed her second husband, Fraser became a stepmother to her partner's daughter from a previous relationship.

"I've been a part of her life for more than half her life now — she's now 29. And we have a loving relationship," Fraser said fondly.

"A lot of friends have said to me, 'When she [the stepdaughter] has a child, it'll be quite close to having a grandchild of your own.' They're right — it might be close, but it still feels far removed. It's not the same closeness."

For Fraser, she doesn't feel it's the same as her friends who 'see' themselves in their grandchildren and get a thrill from that.

Although times have certainly changed, Fraser is unsure if societal attitudes have shifted. Ultimately, she's become immune to the comments.

"After my article, a friend of my husband's reached out. He sent a beautiful message saying: 'I'm so sorry. I just always made the assumption that you chose not to have children.'"

"That's the message I want to get out there — rather than assume, it might be better to ask or acknowledge the many different reasons why people are childless or don't have grandkids."

Interestingly, Fraser says a lot of men have since reached out to her since she went public with her story. She says that often in conversations about non-grandparents and non-parents, the grief for men tends to be unacknowledged.

On Insight, Fraser was asked about how she reflects on legacy.

From a literal genetic sense, she feels sad about the fact her family tree won't be passed down. But from a wider perspective, she's happy to focus on other legacy aspects of her life.

"There's a lot that I have to be grateful for, especially when I think of all the things that bring meaning and purpose. I don't sit and dwell on the fact I don't have any genetic lineage every day. It's just a fact of life," she said to Mamamia.

Fraser has plenty of family and friends that she cherishes. She looks back proudly on her time as a GP. She also founded the NSW Branch of the Doctor's Orchestra.

"I never want people to think I'm being critical of them when it comes to this topic. I just want to remind them to not make assumptions why people might not have kids or grandkids, because it could be a sensitive subject. It's important to have this conversation."

Cathy Fraser will appear on Insight episode 'Leaving A Legacy', airing on SBS Tuesday, September 17 at 8:30pm or stream on SBS On Demand.

Feature Image: Supplied.