Divorce is without a doubt one of the most painful experiences we could ever experience. What we learned from speaking with people going through a divorce or having been divorced previously, healing and recovering is possible.

Grief

I haven’t moved on enough yet, I’m still heartbroken. I just do what I have to do to keep us functioning as a family as best I can.

Shock, dismay, anger, disbelief, why me ?… the words and phrases constantly haunt you even several years after the day I last saw my family.

When you knew your relationship was over. Article continues after this video.

I wanted to just go deep inside myself and be sad. My friends wanted me to come out and have fun but I always felt like I needed to do this by myself and in my own time. He was constantly on my mind.

Oh man it was so hard. It still is.

I focus on other things. Being a single parent keeps you busy enough. Don’t go out much either as money is tight. I think its survival mode for me.

It would be easy to fall into a very sharp decline and go to a very dark place.

Exploration

My instinct was to hide. Then I decided to say “yes” to everything.

I started to collect all these quotes that I found inspiring. And I started reading more! I just felt really powerful being able to do my own things, like changing a light bulb or other tasks he would normally have done.

Oh I took control of my money and bought a Harley lol, always wanted one so that makes me feel good when I ride it. My eldest gets me into his gym and rides me!

The challenge for me was how do I re invent myself? I was still relatively young and could not envisage a future life of being a lone, single male.

I started spending more time with my friends, doing things for me like joining the gym. I wanted to focus on me.

The biggest thing I did was get my bike license. That was the first big change. That opened me up to a whole new social circle of no one that knew my past or I had mutual friends with. So I basically got all brand new friends. 

Growth

I changed my job. This was more through necessity rather than choice bc I was working from home and when we split I couldn't afford to support myself. But again, it helped me get into a different head space. Change was good. I met people and made friends. A new challenge took my mind off things.

First thing to do was to find somewhere to live, reconcile the ownership of the family home, and then try to find a new place to re launch my life. Next thing I did was take care of myself.

Over 18 months I lost 18kgs. No thoughts of all at finding someone else, just to get myself back in order. That loss of weight, re thinking where I wanted to head in the future, what I'd learned from the experience, helped raise my self esteem at a time when it was hard to face a new day without being haunted by what had taken place.

I moved house and away from the suburbs we were living in. That was hard but I moved for good reasons. I got to live on acreage with my horses. It hurts my heart to go back to the beaches now bc it brings back so many memories and feelings.

Dating

I tried dating but it just felt wrong. I hope things will improve soon.

Friends encouraged me to go on line, seek out and see if that special person may be there. I was so hestitant.

It's just as big a step for a male than it is for a female to share your past, your current life and hopes for the future with a complete stranger who often is no more than a picture on an email. All I can say it was the best thing I did.

I really should have given myself more time. I wouldn't recommend jumping into anything. But in saying that I'm still with the person I first dated in the aftermath! But it's been hard on him to because he knows how much turmoil I've been through. But he's hung in there.

Living

I still had my very close friends and family (the ones on my side as it were). But I completely changed my social circle through bikes. I've met some amazing people I can now call close friends. And none of them knew me as being married. So for them it's weird for them to think that I was.

But I had a new job, new friends and new house. Not to say it made things easy, it certainly didn't. But now the pain is easing I can reflect on all the changes I made and see they've brought me to where I am now.

I've met him since and even he says, "You are so much more powerful now." I feel like coming out of that, I know how to identify things and would approach issues in a completely different way. And if it doesn't work, I would just try to move on quicker and not try to change anyone else."

Today things are amazingly better in my life. I'm a very happy person and have been able to move forward by placing the passed behind me. And yes, the person I have in my life will now be my soul partner of the future.