The ultimate For and Against list for having a fourth child.

Lately I have been having vivid dreams about having another baby. I’ve been dreaming of having another baby for years but lately they have seemed so real. I wake up thinking it’s real.

I feel incredibly sad when I realise that it’s not.

I gave my sub-conscious the benefit of the doubt and looked up the meaning of dreams about pregnancy and birth using an online dream interpreter. When I kept dreaming about my teeth falling out I discovered I was worried about money. When I kept dreaming about the ocean I found out I was thinking about a challenge.

Maybe dreaming about a baby, every single night for months, didn’t mean I wanted to try for another actual baby? It turns out that dreams about babies can mean you are creating something, anything new.

However after three years of back and forth I’m finally ready to admit that my repeated, vivid dreams about having another baby are about creating…a new baby, or at least trying to. I am 40, after all. The chance of me even falling pregnant are slim. The chance of miscarriage is high.

Like so many of my almost-40-year-old friends, I want to at least try.

Just one more. Jo Abi and her children Philip, Giovanni and Caterina. Image: Provided

Reasons to have another baby:

  • I am 40 so this might be my last chance to have another child due to waning fertility;
  • I really really want one;
  • I love being a mother and would have ten kids if I could;
  • We can fit another baby in our house;
  • All my other kids really want me to have another one;
  • My husband wants another one;
  • I feel like we have become really good parents;
  • We can sort of afford it;
  • I have a job that perfectly suits having another child, writing about it, working from wherever;
  • My mum had four and I love how the sibling dynamics work with four;
  • There would be a big age difference between my daughter and the next baby, similar to me and my little brother and I bloody adored, still adore, him, just like a little mama;
  • I am really good with extra needs and special needs kids so don't even care if I get one of those little gems;
  • I am a huge fan of even numbers and always buy fruits and vegetables in them so would be more comfortable being able to say I have four kids instead of three;
  • If I can have another child, if I am still fertile, I think it is a blessing and a gift and I want to be able to take advantage of my good fortune;
  • I will stop scaring strangers by racing up to them to meet their babies;
  • The smell of a newborn baby;
  • All the cute little clothes and toys;
  • Those little fingers, those little toes;
  • That first nappy change;
  • That first smile;
  • The fact I am crying tears of joy while I am writing this;
  • The added bonus of never having to write about this again (having written about it quite a few times over the years);
  • The added bonus of not torturing family and friends by endlessly discussing it.

What were your first thoughts when you saw your baby? Article continues after this video.

Reasons not to have another baby:

  • I am 40 so being pregnant is going to be much harder than previously;
  • We would need a new car because we can't fit the grocery shopping, let alone another baby in our car;
  • My daughter has requested a girl and I'm worried she'll be devastated if I have another boy;
  • Financially it would be tight;
  • My parents would completely freak out;
  • I just reached my goal weight and that would be blown to shit by a fourth pregnancy;
  • I gave away all my baby stuff and would need to buy it all again;
  • Our dog Sadie is a bit mental and would need some major training;
  • Fear that I will suffer from fertility issues;
  • Fear that I will suffer medical issues during pregnancy;
  • Being away from my other children while I am recovering from the birth;
  • Being too tired and spent to give my existing children my full attention;
  • Sleep deprivation.
  • Not being able to get a Pug as soon as I had hoped.

So there you go. The pros outweigh the cons, so it's a go. Here's hoping.

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