For starters, a woman rarely cums from three strokes in and out.
But what else does porn get wrong about sex? In a recent Reddit thread, users shared the hilarious and very relatable things that happen in real life sex that you’ll never see in porn.
1. The aftermath.
You know the bit. You’re lying in bed in post-coital bliss (hopefully) but between you and getting up is an awkward trip to the bathroom with your hands between your legs.
“That post cum waddle to the bathroom,” wrote one Redditor.
2. So close, yet so far.
“The worst thing ever is when he finds that sweet spot after like 10 minutes and you’re like “okay don’t move don’t move just keep doing that” but you can see on his face that zero hour is four seconds away.”
3. Awkward fumbling.
"Putting my hand on the pillow next to her head for stability and her yelling for me to 'Get Off Her Hair!'"
"The accidental elbow to the head when changing positions."
4. A plea to 'be quick'.
"She pulls one leg out of her ratty flannel pajamas and says "Okay, but just hurry up. I have a busy day at work tomorrow."
5. Unwelcome interruptions.
No, it's not the pizza delivery man.
"The dog walking in and staring at you. Getting a cramp in your leg and needing to stop," wrote one user.
"A 3 year-old kid yelling "Mommy!" just as the guy gets the condom on."
"Bellyfarts from sweat and vacuum, when your bodies are pressed together. Cramping. Queefs."
Listen: Is it possible? Post continues after audio.
"Squeaky bed springs," added another.
"When you try to switch sex positions but your feet or the feet of your SO are getting wrapped up in the blankets. The laughs that come forth from unwrapping each others' feet are fantastic."
8. Asking the woman if she came.
And it being ok sometimes if she didn't.
"When about 10 minutes in you both realize orgasm isn't going to happen, but you keep trying for another 10 out of sheer stubbornness. After that one person finally speaks up and the other goes "Oh good it isn't just me, I was just trying to get you there". This ends in a brief cleanup and usually watching TV/cuddling," wrote one user.
"Stopping for a moment, whispering "I love you" and just enjoying being close to the one you love."