Real estate agents are notorious for presenting homes in a way that is ‘creatively optimistic’ at best.

Sometimes, a third bedroom is made by a curtained wall; and sometimes, ‘modern’ is a recently replaced bath tap.

It’s business, people.

The following list and accompanying video captures some other terms that are often used in real estate spin.

via GIPHY

‘Cosy’:Small.

‘Humble’:Smaller.

‘Little’:Barbie playset.

‘One-of-a-kind design’:Every room is a rhombus.

‘Out of the way’:Woop Woop.

‘Rural’:Farmer Wants A Wifeset.

'Neighbourhood watch' = Kim times five. (Source: ABC/Seven.)

'Funky details':Somebody carved an eight-legged Buddha into the bathroom ceiling.

'Modern':70 per cent of the bedroom space is a mirrored wardrobe.

'Lots of character':There's a cheese-like mould growing in the kitchen. Hold your breath when walking past.

'Easy to maintain garden':Asphalt.

'Garden features':Clothes line.

'Community vibe':The next door neighbour is a 53-year-old divorcée who will invite herself over while you're at work. You'll know she's visited by the amount of cigarette ash in your ceramics.

Artistic = Floor to ceiling murals a la Priscilla Queen of the Desert. (Source: Gramercy Pictures.)

'Must-see':We staged four photoshoots but were unable to hide just how bad this place really is.

'Quaint':A weird smell appears after rain that everyone is too afraid to investigate.

'Up and coming area':Walk to the shop clutching a pair of scissors.

'Residential development':Housing commission.

'Lots of natural fauna':SPIDERS. SPIDERS. SPIDERS. SPIDERS.

We're going to need a large glass for this one. (Source: Warner Bros.)

'Air con':There's a unit we can't remove without the lounge room collapsing. It will make loud sputtering noises during the night.

'Conveniently located':Highway livin'.

'Reduced price': Please live here. Please.

'Renovator's dream':The texture of the walls can be described as "croissant".

Do you have any inspection horror stories where you expected a castle and were given a cat box? Share them below.

Spice up the bedroom in a way that goes beyond a 'funky' lamp. Listen to our Prude and Pornstar podcast for some great tips.