baby

'14 weeks ago, I gave birth to my boy. Now here I am, writing about his imminent death.'

Little Thomas’ cancer had spread before his life even started.

At six-weeks, a biopsy on baby Thomas’ strawberry-coloured “birth mark” was taken, and the results showed a Rhabdoid Tumour. A second lump was also found on the left of his abdomen, which later proved to be a large mass on his kidney.

At 11 weeks old, Thomas was officially diagnosed with a terminal malignant Rhabdoid tumour. This was three weeks ago.

Two more lumps were located in his lungs, and an additional growth on his right hip bone caused Thomas’ femur bone to fracture.

There is nothing more the doctors can do.

Thomas’ mum, Sheryl Blanksby, writes…

The irony of life has hit my family so hard and nothing makes sense anymore. It feels like only yesterday I posted about giving birth to our baby Thomas and here I am writing about his imminent death.

His death.

Can you even get your head wrapped around that concept? I can’t.

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"The irony of life has hit my family so hard and nothing makes sense anymore." (Image provided)

I can't even begin to describe the pain I feel each time I look at his precious face. My heart breaks for every big smile he gives me because I know how much I will miss it when it's all gone, and when I think my heart can't take it anymore, it shatters even more when he gives his begging look when he's in pain.

Our good days usually start in a panic trying to keep his pain under control, especially when he sleeps through the night. Do I wake him knowing it will upset him and trigger his pain? Or do I wait until he wakes up when his pain is triggered?

On a bad day, he lays awake screaming, leaving him with little to no decent sleep.

How am I coping? How is my husband coping? We honestly don't know.

I wake up wishing it's all just a bad dream and then I look at Thomas and I know it's all real.

I go to bed scared and I beg for the night NOT to be our last.

And then a new day comes and I find him snuggled next to me, breathing, warm, sometimes half smiling in his sleep and I thank God for another day with him. But I find myself hysterically crying instead of sighing with relief.

Right now as I write this post, our Thomas is still here with us and that's what really matters. Each day is embraced and each week is celebrated.

Watching my two sons together is a dream come true. Being a family of four has always been my dream. It's now my reality and it's trapped in this nightmare no family should be in.

I am in desolation with no end on sight. My heart will forever ache for my Thomas and my soul will forever long for him.

I am sad for my oldest son William, he's only getting to know him.

So am I.

To help Sheryl, her husband Jon and son William enjoy their final weeks with little Thomas, donate to the family's GoFundMe page, "Making memories with Thomas", here.