entertainment

Some guy we've never heard of says intruder Rachel is marrying Sam Wood.

Rachel getting married?

She’s been a fairly sullen and stand-offish addition to The Bachelor harem, but according to some guy I’ve never heard of, Rachel Moore is marrying Sam Wood.

I do not include a spoiler alert here because this information is dubious. I would go as far as to say outlandish. Improbable. Absurd.

Rachel Moore, 29, was an intruder into the Bach household last week and it’s fair to say she hasn’t made a great impression.

Rachel getting married?

Glaring from beneath her blunt fringe, she was all, “I don’t care if anyone likes me”, but somehow managed to stay in the game, getting a rose from Wood at the eleventh hour.

Now, her friend Printz Board is saying she’s preparing for a wedding.

Who is Printz Board, you ask? Well, he appears to be an American music producer who once worked with the Black Eyed Peas.

Printz Board salutes you.

He called Moore his “bestie”, which seems a stretch since I couldn’t find any pictures of them together on Instagram (following an admittedly half-arsed search), indicating this may be an overstatement.

Here’s what he wrote:

Next, he appeared to confirm the win on August 31:

Finally, according to my forensic examination of this case, he seems to retract that statement with this September 1 2015 post:

Well? Is Printz Board friends with Rachel Moore? What is a Printz Board? Will the befringed one indeed marry Sam Wood? Will Printz Board and Will.i.Am perform Don’t Phunk With My Heart (that is a real song, btw. I googled) at the wedding?

If you have answers to any or all of those questions, please let us know with great haste.

The Bachelor 2015: a gallery.

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