real life

'We've been married for six years. PLEASE stop asking us these stupid questions.'

I’ve been married to my wife coming on six years. Of course, our stupid Prime Minister doesn’t agree, but I’ll save that conversation for another time.

We have an awesome three-year-old daughter together.

Life is sweet, and we have an huge amount of support and love around us.

There are however, some naïve people who cross our paths, whose mouths seems to run off leaving their brain waiting far behind.

They ask bloody stupid questions.

"We have an awesome three-year-old daughter together." (Image provided)

I know everyone has moments where they say ludicrous things and you just wish the ground would swallow you up, chew on you and spit you out about 15 minutes earlier. I get it. I’ve done it a few times myself. But it happens to us often, and frankly, I’m sick of it.

I took it upon myself to collate a few of the stupidest questions into a handy bullet point list for you dear reader, with descriptions, in case you ever find a real life lesbian in their native habitat.

You’ll be prepared with what NOT to say, so that you make it out alive and unscathed. Because if there is one thing you want to avoid in this lifetime, it’s pissing off a lesbian.

Here they are:

1. So, who’s the guy in the relationship?

*Face palm*

I usually don’t answer this and stare at the person in silence for at least 10 minutes until they realise what they’ve said.

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Seriously.

We hear it all. The. F*cking. Time.

I’m not sure you heard me properly.

We are two WOMEN. We are together. We are in love. There isn’t a freaking guy, and in fact, we prefer it that way. Surprising, I know.

Individuals seem to be hung up on someone taking on a ‘masculine’ role within a lesbian relationship, but for a relationship to work there doesn’t have to be a one of each.

In our home, the lawn still gets mowed, shelves get put up on our wall and footy gets watched.

The whole point of us being together is so there isn’t a man, and that’s exactly how we like it.

Capiche?

LISTEN: We need to stop saying "that's so gay". (Post continues...)

2. But you don’t look like a lesbian!

And you don’t look like an asshole, but I’m gonna take a wild guess that you still are.

I’m curious, what exactly is a lesbian meant to look like? I obviously forgot to wear my leather chaps today. My motorbike’s in getting a service. I’m booked in to get my head shaved and my sleeve tattoo next week.

Ergh. Stereotypical much?

Lezbehonest (you knew I had to throw one of those in here sometime), this question is never meant to intentionally upset anyone. I look at it from the perspective that people are only reacting this way because we don’t look like how society thinks a lesbian should look, according to the media, TV or online.

Ultimately, we need to change these stereotypes and realise that people of any sexuality (or non-sexuality) can look like anyone.

3. I could never be a lesbian. I just love men too much.

Brilliant. Good on you. A girl who knows what she wants!

Thank you for the public service announcement love, now I’ll let you get back to your dick man.

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"Ultimately, we need to change these stereotypes and realise that people of any sexuality (or non-sexuality) can look like anyone." (Image provided)

4. So do you guys share underwear?

Are you for real? What is wrong with people?

That’s the assumption you made because we are both female?

Short answer: ew. No.

Additionally, my wife is a size 8. I’m more a 12 so the sharing of underwear isn’t going to work for either of us. I know this might sound a bit shocking, but we actually have our own separate underwear.

Shocking I know. Mind. Blown.

5. Your house would be fun when you’ve both got your periods.

Mate, it isn’t. It’s hell on earth. You know what though? That’s one of the joyful perks of being a woman, and being WITH a woman, so we deal with it for 1-2 weeks of every month.

EVERY. MONTH.

Nah, seriously it’s ok. It’s not that bad really. We’re ok. It's just a part of life. Dealing with it. All good.

Did I mention EVERY MONTH? (And don’t even get us started on the small fortune that we fork out on tampons. We could feed an army for a year with those funds.)

This is by no means an exhaustive list, unfortunately, but I do hope it's of some assistance of you.

I hope it makes you aware of the power of your words. I hope it makes you think.

I mentioned it above, we are incredibly lucky to be surrounded by support but not everyone is as lucky.

We need to be more aware of what we say because some people aren’t as strong in their convictions or as comfortable with their lifestyles as I am. Compassion, understanding and kindness go a very long way.

We need to forget stereotypes and think before we speak.

This post originally appeared on Nicole's terrific personal blog, which you can find here. It has been republished with full permission.

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