We’ve all had a friend like this. You’re in a group of women and everyone’s complimenting you about your dress or your new hair or whatever it is about you that looks mildly socially acceptable that day. And this one friend says nothing. Zilch. Nada. Cold air.
Her silence buzzes loudly in your ears. Not because on this one occasion she’s deigned to disagree with the fem herd, but because she always does this. She withholds compliments and her silence makes you feel bad because (on some level) she wants it to make you feel bad.
Usually, this is the same person whose silence can be felt on social media. You know. They’ve seen your update. You can feel them lurking. Other friends have liked or commented, but? She stays silent. Playing some kind of game you’re not really sure if anyone can win.
And this is strange because there are certain rules for complimenting that I’m sure little girls learn around the age of, oh, I don’t know, birth. It’s almost exclusively the domain of women because as we know, men do not compliment each other. Well, not in the same way women do.
Most guys don’t stand around remarking favourably over a new pair of shoes. And men’s compliments towards women are sometimes forced upon them, by us. They seem to intuit in some primal way that a woman asking how an item of clothing makes her body look is always a cue for a nice remark.
What was the last compliment you text to your loved one? Post continues after video.
Top Comments
Maybe she has a different cultural background. I consider these compliments "oh, I love your shoes" a very Australian thing. Don't get me wrong, I love it in some way. But in Europe I never saw these rules. I don't even notice if a compliment is not given. And I might get it wrong regular, I don't even know.
I don't think the journalist is saying she needs to be complimented, I think she is asking why this friend is with-holding her kindness? (I also don't think it is real, I think the scenario is probably symbolic) - I think it is a question about female friendships in general - when we with-hold our compliments or our kindness we are in fact withholding our support or alliance at a greater level.