Today I Googled the British royal family. It's not usually high on my agenda, but I'd heard whisperings of a hostage video and ahem, it sounded serious.
A royal hostage situation? What the heck. This is huge! Who was being held captive?
Please be Andrew. Who was the kidnapper? Why hadn't I received notifications of breaking news? PLEASE be Andrew. What is going on? THIS SHOULD BE
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle in the hostage video. Post continues below video.
"Prince Harry seemed 'trapped' and 'awkward' when he called on the Commonwealth to right past wrongs in a video call with Meghan Markle, body language expert reveals - as viewers agree he looked 'like a hostage'."
"Prince Harry ‘lacks confidence’ as he’s ‘eclipsed’ by Meghan Markle during BLM video call, body language expert claims."
"'Held hostage': Body language expert reveals Prince Harry seems 'trapped' and 'awkward'."
Okay. I know royal news is always truly, truly absurd.
There was that time Meghan Markle single-handedly ruined the world by eating avocados. The time Princess Charlotte became a cold, calculating thief at just three years old, and the time the British royal family's official website Royal.uk mistakenly redirected users to a porn website instead of one of their charity partners.