She is using her pregnancy as an excuse to basically do whatever she pleases. She gets in horrid fights with her bf, her mother, me, and then says “its okay, I can because I’m pregnant”.
All of a sudden I’m not allowed have problems or complaints about anything because “at least you don’t have a baby in you/back pain/morning sickness”. I feel like I can never ask her for advice because she turns it around to be about her. Her bf has started using this excuse too. He’ll act weird with me, and the people around him because “his daddy instincts are kicking in”
This story hit Reddit this week and the responses are phenomenal.
It’s seems like a classic situation of one friend doing more than the other, and feeling guilty for resenting this. But then there’s a baby involved. And when there’s a baby involved, everything becomes more complicated.
A little backstory: One of my closest friends is 5 months pregnant with a guy she met a little less than a year ago. She lives at the other end of the country, which is a 9 hour bus journey one way. I have made this journey three times in our friendship, whilst she’s only come to me once – over two years ago. I’ve also travelled to other parts of the country to meet up with her (and more recently, this boyfriend of hers, who I have met once).
So basically my best friend is five months pregnant. She’s 21, her bf is 22. They live at the other end of the country in the smallest bedsit and have little money; they have also appointed me as godmother.
Ohhh “Godmother” status? No… Just, no.
So there were first of all the excuses for arguments. The “I’m pregnant so you can’t stay mad at me, even though I acted like a complete jerk” attitude.
Then there’s the one-sided travelling situation. Which any long-distance friend will attest, never feels good.
But then this happened. And this was the final straw before the Reddit post:
My friend is throwing a baby shower on the 22nd of this month. My original plan was to get the 9 hour bus journey on the Saturday, stay in a hotel overnight and go home on the 9 hour bus journey home (presumably) hungover as the baby shower is being held in her local bar.
Last night I met up with my boyfriend and we spoke about this trip. He kindly offered to drive me up there, stay with me, and drive me home again. I asked my pregnant friend first if she was okay with him joining me as it was her night after all. She had no problem, was looking forward to meeting him, and everyone was happy – for about an hour, that is.
After all the plans were sorted and hotel booked for two nights etc., she text me saying the following; “so it’s great that he’s driving you and all but he’ll have to bring a present of his own as it would make [insert her bf’s name] more ok with the whole thing”. So apparently her bf is iffy about the whole thing, but he would feel slightly better if he brought gifts?????
What. The. F**k?
The Redditor had a number of feelings about this. But one feeling stood out more than others:
She is pregnant and is using that as an excuse to be horrid. It feels like I’m only their friend because I have money.
Are baby-mummas-to-be the new “bridezillas”?
I wonder how we got to this?
Without sounding boring and predictable and like my mother, I would guess social media has a huge role to play.
Have you seen the baby shower photography? The first-birthday snaps? The amount of money and effort and “don’t-I-look-glamorous-and-radiant-and-pregnant” photo shoots?
Babies are becoming as big as weddings. And the whole world is watching.
Pregnancy has become spectator sport. The “bump” photographs and ultrasound images on Facebook and Instagram are the game. The likes and comments and reactions are the competition.
Motherhood carries the same pressure. First steps. Birthday parties. Sleeping pictures. Family photos. They’re all there for the world to see.
But, like everything else on social media, everything is curated. Everything is perfect. There is none of the reality: “I actually have morning-sickness vomit on my dress and I don’t want any of these people in my living room and I just want to go to sleep because I’m pregnant, goddamn it, why are you here!!??”
No, no. It’s all smiles and colours and perfectly wrapped presents (it takes a different type of person to wrap presents perfectly) and fancy champagne flutes and mocktails for the mum-to-be. Everyone always looks like they’re having such a great time.
And, that right there, is the problem.
It takes money for everyone to look like their having a good time in a picturesque way. And this creates pressure. And, as a consequence, is turning mums-to-be into the new species of brides-to-be.
In one word: terrifying.
So stay away. Politely decline the godmother status. Send a pretty gift (it doesn’t mater how you wrap it). And, if you have to attend the party, either have something extremely urgent that is happening at the same time that you really must rush off to. Or take a flask of tequila to spike your own champagne-flute with.
Someone’s got to keep it real.