pregnancy

"The strangest questions mums-to-be of boys have asked me."

“Do they touch “it” a lot?”

So you are growing a penis inside you? You never really thought about it that way did you? But you are.

Congratulations.

It doesn’t get better than that. Your little guy is going to smother you with delicious all-consuming-heart-stopping love.

You will weep with the overflow of love you feel for him, but at the same time no-one can blame you if you feel a little bewildered.

After all, we are girls right?

We are good at distinguishing Malibu Barbie from Skipper.  We are good at remembering the names of Peppa Pig’s friends and knowing exactly which Kardashian is which.

But boys stuff? Well that’s a whole different ball-game (as those blokes would say).

I have two delightful brown-eyed boys. They are, at times, needy with their compulsion to cuddle me and touch me. They are loving and caring and cheeky and delightful. They adore their baby sister and they see their number one priority in life to look after her. But they were also, once, a world unnavigated.

Now I have two, I am seen as world expert at boys in my circle of friends. And as such, I am bombarded with questions from mums to be of boys about just how the F they are going to deal with this new landscape.

"Will I have to lift his "thing"when I wash him?"

Some of the craziest things I’ve been asked include:

1. Will I have to lift his "thing" when I wash him?

Yeah probably but the screaming when you put him in water is going to bug you more. Not to mention when he pees in your face.

2. What do you call his bits?

Whatever you feel comfortable with. The fact you asked makes me inclined to advise you towards pee-pee or wee-wee but by the time they hit second grade it’s going to be ‘nuts’ and ‘willy’ so enjoy the first few years.

3. Oh god, do I now have to actually WATCH Star Wars?

You actually haven’t? How have you ever appreciated all those “force be with you” gags?

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4. How do you cope with all those socks?

I am still stumped by this one. Did this mum-to-be actually think baby boys have more feet than girls? What has socks got to do with it?

5. Were you disappointed that you won’t be able to buy pink clothes?

Gosh. It's sad isn’t it? We aren’t having mannequins or dolls. They are babies. Trust me once you have that sweet-smelling bundle in your arms SHOPPING is the last thing on your mind.

6. I don't know a thing about cricket.

Good lord. Neither do I. But why on earth should you unless you want to. Your son isn’t your buddy or mate he is your son. You don’t need to have the same hobbies, just show some interest and he will know that you love him.

7. Do they touch "it" a lot?

Yes.

And you can name “it” you know. Penis is often a good term.

"Giving up pink is the least of your worries."

8. Were you ever worried that they will just want to talk about cars the whole time?

Never crossed my mind for a second. And if they do then by some amazing force of Mother Nature so will you. And guess what? You will actually find it interesting, so much so that one day, if your kid is into cars, you will find yourself initiating the conversation.

(Hey Olly, did you see what just drove past us an Audi A3. I can’t believe you missed it!)

9. Do they like their Dad better than you?

Really? It’s not a competition. It’s not a division of the sexes. It’s a family and there is nothing better to complete it than a bundle of blue. There’s nothing your partner can do, that you can’t.  And the same goes if you were having a daughter.

Your little guy is going to throw you into a love bubble and you will never be quite the same. He will never love anyone the way he loves his Mum but he will also love and adore his Dad.

You are now a family. Enjoy.

What is the strangest question you've been asked about pregnancy?