‘We had a threesome… then I fell pregnant.’

The results of a DNA test can stir up a lot of trouble. A woman calling herself laurajayne3 has posted on UK website Mumsnet, saying she’s the mum of a baby boy who was conceived during a threesome.  

The woman says she always thought the baby’s father was the man she was in a relationship with at the time, but a DNA test has shown that the baby’s father is the other person who was in the threesome – her ex-partner’s friend.

“This was two years ago when I was in a really bad way and my ex was very controlling and I basically did it for him,” she explains on the website. “I’m pretty devastated I’ve got a child with someone I didn’t even want to sleep with – something I’m in therapy for currently.”

But she thinks the circumstances of the conception shouldn’t stop her son from having a relationship with his biological father’s family.   

“My therapist said when my son’s older I can then at least tell him I tried with his dad and family and they didn’t want to be involved.”

Laurajayne3 says her ex-partner told her he’d spoken to his friend, and his friend didn’t want anything to do with the baby. But she adds that her ex is a “compulsive liar”. She is now wondering whether to contact the friend’s parents and sister via social media.

“All I want is for my son to have some sort of contact with his dad’s side of the family, as I never got that. And I know kids that don’t see their dad but see their paternal grandparents. And if they don’t want to, then fine, at least I know.”

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People responding had mixed thoughts over whether she should make contact.  

“I have been in a similar situation regarding my son’s family,” wrote one woman. “I decided we would get on with our lives, just the two of us. I think it was the right decision for us. My son is 10 now.” 

However, another said if she was in a similar situation, she’d tell the family.

LISTEN: The inside rules of threesomes. (Post continues below…)

“We recently found out my brother had a teen he didn’t know about. Everyone was excited but disappointed we missed out on so much.” 

Whether or not the threesome story is a true one, the fact is that women do get pregnant to men they barely know – sometimes as a result of a one-night stand, and sometimes due to more complicated situations.

Dr Karen Phillip, a counselling psychotherapist from the NSW Central Coast, deals with a conception due to a brief hook-up about once a month.

She says every situation is different.

“I’ve had them where the female is 17 years old, and where she’s 37 years old,” she tells Mamamia. “I’ve had instances where he’s married with a family and he doesn’t want to know about it and she won’t get an abortion. It’s life-changing, that’s for sure.”

Dr Phillip says there’s often a lot of conflict when a one-night stand leads to a pregnancy. But occasionally, the man and woman end up bringing up the child together.    

Image via Getty.

“I’ve seen occasions where the male and female have shared a home – not as a couple, but to raise the child together. That can work reasonably well, so long as there’s not conflict in the home, or they manage the conflict as quickly and as quietly as possible.”

Dr Phillip says the “absolute best option” is for children to grow up with loving, caring parents and extended family in their lives. But the extended family aren’t always “amenable” to that.

“There have been instances where the family have become quite aggressive with the woman: ‘You’re destroying my son’s life. How dare you?’”

As for the woman whose baby was conceived in a threesome, Dr Phillip says she needs to take into account what the father’s family are like and how they feel about the child.

“It’s certainly in the best interests of the child to know their origin and their roots and also to participate and share in their extended family, providing that there is no ongoing conflict within that extended family. Conflict is what does the damage to the child.”

If you or a loved one is in a coercive and controlling relationship, Mamamia urges you to contact 1800 RESPECT.

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