SEALED SECTION: The funniest and most outrageous pregnancy sex stories.

Video by Mamamia

Warning: this post contains graphic sexual references.

If you’re not exhausted, jubilant, uncomfortable, glowing, ravenous, nauseous, horny, and disgusted by your partner – all at the same time – how do you even know you’re pregnant?

Ah, pregnancy: such a magical yet totally confusing and overwhelming time for so many women. Which is why sex, the very thing that might have got them there in the first place, can turn out to be more trouble than it’s worth – or the very best thing about being knocked-up. (Apart from the baby of course).

Here are some the best pregnancy sex-related stories that have been told to the Mamamia team, so every woman who’s ever had a bun in the oven, or plans to, knows she’s not alone.

“I was a pregnant sex masseuse.”

I’d been working as an erotic masseuse for three years when I fell pregnant. I hid it for a bit but when I couldn’t anymore, I had to tell my boss. I thought it meant I had to quit – but he had other ideas.  Turns out, there are some men who find pregnant women really hot. So I kept working, and a couple of my regular clients LOVED watching my belly grow – and my breasts.

One even wanted to give me a massage in return so he could feel my new curves. He was a nice guy and was surprisingly good with his hands. I so wasn’t in the mood for a happy ending, but he gave himself one, afterwards – all over my belly. – Sophie.

Unplanned golden shower.

I really loved having sex with my husband when I was pregnant, because I felt so feminine. But as I got bigger, the only comfortable way was with me on top, and usually in the reverse cowgirl position. The first time we did it like that, I peed on him. At first it was warm so we just thought it was juices, but then we realised it was wee. It must have been because of the pressure on the bladder, with a baby and a “foreign object” inside me.

My husband absolutely loved it. He’d always wanted me to give him a golden shower.

And it also stroked his, er, ego, to think his penis was big enough to make it happen. – Amanda

He still pulled out.

I realised my partner was “knowledge-challenged” when he kept pulling out to come on my stomach even after I was pregnant because he was scared to make two babies. I researched it later and found out he was right that it could happen. It worried me even more that he was thinking sensibly when he should have been losing his mind making love to me. – Sam

“The other hole.”

My husband thought it was the best time to try anal sex. It wasn’t. – Megan

 

From the book 'Safe Baby Handling Tips' by Dave and Kelly Sopp

It turned my ex into a creep.

I ran into my ex-husband when I was eight months pregnant. He was always into curvy women, so he couldn't take his eyes off my boobs and bump. So gross. I got away as quick as I could, but later he texted me.

It read: "Great to see you today. You looked so hot. Lol I know that's wrong. Can't stop thinking about you again. Send nudes? Ha ha - or just one with clothes on and my imagination can do the rest."

I was like yeah, that's a no from me. - Grace

He had to take matters into his own hands.

If you add 9 months to the first year after I gave birth, plus a completely MIA libido from me that whole time, that equals a lot of my hubby's sperm washed down the shower drain. - Alice

LISTEN: Monique Bowley and TV Presenter Rebecca Judd dive deep on the ins and outs of pregnancy sex.

 

I joined Tinder in my second trimester.

My partner left me when he discovered I was pregnant and I decided to have the baby on my own. In the second trimester I was so desperate for sex I joined Tinder. First I just used a head shot, but then I discovered that the guys I was chatting to had a real thing for pregnant women. I loved it! So I put full body pics on my profile and they went off. I never planned to risk my baby's health by having sex with strangers, but I did chat to lots of guys who got off on the nudes I sent them. And I got some nice pregnancy photos out of it, too LOL. - Jane

Names have been changed for privacy.

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