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17 chillingly accurate predictions about what’s to come in 2019.

Every year, we sit down and lay out our predictions for the year ahead.

Why?

Because everyone knows that twins are magic but also spooky. 

Last year, some of our predictions included:

  • People under the age of 30 no longer communicate in words. Just memes. And occasionally gifs.
  • Someone will write an opinion piece in early December about how Love Actually is actually really messed up and HOLY SH*T HOW MANY TIMES CAN SOMEONE WRITE EXACTLY THE SAME THING.
  • A person will say something perfectly reasonable. Twitter promptly ruins their life.
  • Uber Eats goes down at 4pm on a Thursday. Thousands starve to death.

You can read our full list of 2018 predictions right here. 

We can obviously all agree that our instincts were shockingly correct.

We’ve taken some time to look into the future, converse in our twin dialect, cast some spells and shit, and come up with some pretty serious insights into what’s in store for the year ahead.

AHEM.

1. Donald Trump will appoint his 12-year-old son Barron as Secretary of State and people will generally accept it as a fine idea, considering. In fact, it will go down in history as the most considered appointment he ever made.

2. Meghan Markle will have a baby and name it George and, shit, maybe there really is a feud.

3. Karl Stefanovic and Cass Thorburn will appear on Trial by Kyle and the nation will be up in arms about the spectacle, while it simultaneously achieves the greatest ratings known to Australian television.

4. Scott Morrison’s leadership will be contested and literally no one will care given that we’re still trying to work out who/what he is.

5. A number of influencers will start plugging Rohypnol while posing in bikinis and no one will even bat an eyelid because this is the world we live in now. 

6. The Kardashians will be accused of ‘photoshopping family photo’ after image appears with floating bodies, and notably no limbs.

7. Australian cricket team again comes under fire after attempting to sub in a Wahu ball for a cricket ball.

wahu
So subtle. So... cheating.
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9. First podcast targeted at dogs released titled 'Who's a good boy?'.

10. Peter Stefanovic has a markedly better, and relatively uneventful year, after being gifted a set of headphones for Christmas.

11. Australian parliament decides, definitively, that there is no such thing as climate change, as army of dying polar bears washes up on Bondi beach.

12. Record number of babies born enter the world only to say ‘nah thanks, actually I’m good’ and retreat inside mother’s uterus.

13. Channel 10 go back into receivership after spending four billion dollars on Grant Denyer's latest game show idea, Super Maxi Fun Silly-Silly Family Game Show With Grant Denyer.

14. Virgo woman's horoscope to say "March will be your month". March will not, in fact, be her month.

15.  Electorate shrugs shoulders and gives charismatic penguin a turn in politics. Penguin quickly disavows use of coal.

16. Apple to release iPhones 11 through to 24, somehow all with different headphone jacks.

16. Now that the tampon tax is abolished, women drop the charade and start using them for exclusively luxury purposes, such as elegant tea candles.

FIN.

For more you can follow Clare and Jessie Stephens on Facebook, here, or sign up to their newsletter.

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