Before having a baby, I made a LOT of promises to myself about the 'kind of woman' I would be once I gave birth.
I would keep exercising. I would keep my hair clean. There would certainly be no 'mum buns'.
I’d have stacks of coffee dates with the girls, and I certainly wouldn’t let my child’s sleeping habits affect my social life.
Watch: Be a good mum. Post continues below.
I’d be one of those mums from the movies that wears cute silk pyjamas and moisturise my hands as I tuck myself into bed.
And most importantly? My sex life CERTAINLY would not suffer.
It is safe to say that I have not lived up to one single promise I made myself.
In fact, I LAUGH in the face of those promises, while I scrunch my hair up into a frizzy mum bun for the fifth day in a row and reschedule the social engagement I made with another mum friend that we’ve now cancelled 12 times.
We may catch up for a coffee when our sons start primary school in six years.
That seems manageable. Because instead of coffee dates, I have coffee stains. And these coffee stains (on most of my ugly but very comfortable flannel pyjamas) do not get in the way of me wearing said pyjamas multiple times before they get washed.
I’m still yet to return to the gym, and my son is on a sleeping schedule that allows us to maintain our sanity - but not much of a social life.
So, what about sex? Well, thanks to a last-minute c-section, my lady parts remained UNTOUCHED for the entire pregnancy and birth (apart from one super fun internal ultrasound at 20 weeks).
I hobbled out of hospital with a very sore abdomen, but a pristine vagina!
My sex life was saved!
I walked in to see my OB for our six week postpartum checkup with a list of questions.