People often say to me, “Robin, you’ve got three under three, how do you do it? I struggle with just one/two”.
I answer them as honestly as I know how: “I do it with a lot of grace, dignity and glamour.”
So they ask me: “How, Robin? How can I be as graceful, dignified and glamorous, as you?”
And you know what, the answer is simple.
Start everyday by doing a load of washing… with your feet. You’ll need to use your hands to make bottles for the newborn twins. Whilst doing that, awkwardly hoist your toddler onto your back and scoop up twins with arms now free from bottles.
Put twins down whilst you get toddler milk at whatever temperature is specified today.
Sit down to feed twins.
Realise you don’t have the bottles.
Prop twins up on couch whilst screaming over your shoulder at your toddler to stop rubbing the babies heads and that no, they don’t need her kisses because she has childcare plague.
Twins cough. Vent a little steam from ears to reduce possibility of eye twitch.
Haul kiss happy toddler off twins.
Start to feed twins.
Develop third arm to hug toddler and a fourth to guard twins from toddler love attacks. Try to explain to toddler that no she can’t have one of the babies and that although “give baby to big sister right now!” is quite an interesting argument that it fails to address some of the finer philosophical points surrounding the issue.
Burp toddler who does not need to be burped but thinks it’s hilarious. She’s right I am funny (and sexy).
Finish feeding boys.