entertainment

Suddenly being followed by 'porn' Instagram accounts? You're not alone.

My weekend was lovely. Peaceful, even.

An ‘I read a book and drank two glasses of wine’ Level of Peaceful.

Except for – um – one teeny, tiny thing. A saucy, naked-y thing. An R-rated, naughtilicious thing. A thing that made me say “what the eff” and hide at the bottom of my doona until Monday morning came and I’d found the ability to breathe again.

An Instagram porn thing.

Not quite sure what the floop is going on? Well, you’re one of the lucky ones.

BECAUSE I’M BEING SWAMPED BY PORN INSTAGRAM FOLLOW REQUESTS AND I JUST DON’T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT STOP.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not anti porn. I’m more than fine with naked anatomy when the mood strikes.

It’s just that I’d like to decide when I see a woman’s widespread legs or a man’s dangly bits. And on the couch seated next to my conservative mother, it just so happens, was not one of those moments.

I'm sorry, Mum, I really don't have an explanation.

The first one to add me was odd. Her name was 'Orexova', and her profile pic was of a thong being hoisted up into a voluptuous rear end.

'Huh,' I thought to my naive self, before returning to my eighth episode of American Bachelor in succession. 'Orexova must be a sexually expressive lass. She has a pretty good bum, too.'

Little did I know that Orexova was to be the first of many.

Too many.

Next followed the very mysterious VioletSunn, and then the not so mysterious BigTittyMama11. I simply can't recall who came after that - I was drowned by a wave of follow requests, each more explicit and seedy than the next.

ADVERTISEMENT

I've seen more vulvas in the last 24 hours than I've seen people.

Trying to keep my head above water, I cried out in desperation to the Mamamia office "WHEN WILL THE INSTAGRAM PORN END?"

What happened next was like a warm hug.

"Me too!" began ringing through the office. Colleagues stood up from their desks. "Wait... this is a thing that happens to other people?" they said.

Yes. It seems this unfortunate infiltration of porn has bombarded all of us. There are many casualties, and almost nobody has been spared.

Speaking of Porn, why not listen to our podcast The Prude and the Pornstar

I did some investigation-ation-ing, and it seems this issue appears bi-annually for the godly creators of Instagram.

Nobody seems to know why, or how these raunchy 'Grammers find our profiles, they just do.

So until Instagram does its routine clean-up of all the seedy stuff, you've just gotta keep on 'blocking', friends.

Here's to a more PG week... hopefully.

Yes... Let's appreciate the wholesome stuff Insta has to offer instead.

FROM OUR NETWORK
00:00 / ???