Pope will forgive abortions for one year and one year only, so get in quick.

Sinners, um… Rejoice? Or something?

Good ol’ Pope Francis. The cool pope. The progressive pope. The pope who’s totes down with the kids, driving around with the top off his Pope Mobile and saying slightly less offensive things about gay people than other popes.

What a cool guy!

And now, he’s done it again.

The lovely and understanding Popey has decided that he’s going to have a forgiveness fire sale during ‘Mercy Year’, which starts on December 8. And, because he’s just so lovely and understanding, not only will he forgive the gays for loving each other and the doctors for handing out contraception, now he’s also going to forgive women who murdered defenceless babies by having abortions.

But remember, if you ever took advantage of the fact that you have the right to control your own body and had a completely legal medical procedure for reasons that are absolutely nobody’s business but your own, you only have one year to be absolved for your horrifying sin. If you stuff up again, then it’s straight back to hell for you. (Along with, you know, all those gay sinners and people who use condoms.)

According to the totally cool and progressive Pope Francis:

“One of the serious problems of our time is clearly the changed relationship with respect to life. A widespread and insensitive mentality has led to the loss of the proper personal and social sensitivity to welcome new life. The tragedy of abortion is experienced by some with a superficial awareness, as if not realizing the extreme harm that such an act entails.”

Yup, okay. Insensitive, superficial, extreme harm etc etc etc. But then the exciting news!

“I have decided… to concede to all priests for the Jubilee Year the discretion to absolve of the sin of abortion those who have procured it and who, with contrite heart, seek forgiveness for it. May priests fulfil this great task by expressing words of genuine welcome combined with a reflection that explains the gravity of the sin committed, besides indicating a path of authentic conversion by which to obtain the true and generous forgiveness of the Father who renews all with his presence.”

Um, thanks for your… generosity?