A man sent shockwaves to the furthest corners of the internet today, after bravely admitting that his life up until this point has been nothing but a confusing bowl of porcelain lies.
The man has pooping wrong his entire life. And he only realised this week.
JayDogSmith (a clever pseudonym designed to protect his privacy after this shocking admission), shared his story with Reddit, on a thread called ‘Today I Fucked Up’.
Simply titled ‘Today I Fucked Up by using a toilet wrong my entire life’, here is that story:
So I’m hoping a load of people are going to come out in support of me here but I’ve got that sinking feeling I may be alone in this.
Our toilet broke so I was in shopping for new ones and the sales person joked (no doubt for the millionth time) that I’ll want one that automatically puts the seat down after I’m finished with it. I ‘joked’ back and said if I didn’t have a wife I could save money and not buy one with a seat and I’d never have to hear women complaining about putting it down again. To which he gave me a strange look and said “but what about when you need to poop?”.
I naturally pointed out that I’m a guy and therefore don’t put the seat down, I sit on the rim of the bowl. Several embarrassing moments later, I realise that I’ve misunderstood my entire life and that guys do indeed use the toilet seat.
I left empty handed and red faced.
Thinking about it now, it makes sense. Especially how men’s restrooms have seats. But I just assumed it was a unisex/cost saving/oversight deal.
Poor, poor JayDogSmith. HE’S BEEN CONFUSED HIS ENTIRE LIFE.
It’s hard to understand where exactly he went wrong, but this thoughtful Reddit commenter probably best encapsulated our collective bewilderment:
You poor bastard. But, seriously, did you ever think, “Wow, this porcelain is cold, and sometimes wet and caked with dried piss. And I have to spend extraordinary effort to not hit the water with my ass and balls. What could I use to get around some of these obstacles? If only they made a toilet seat for dudes…”
What it must feel like to have such an epic life epiphany.
Good luck to you JayDogSmith. Good luck.
Have you ever had a grown-up epiphany about something you’ve been doing wrong you’re entire life? Here in the Mamamia office, someone didn’t know that you weren’t allowed to flush tampons, and someone else didn’t know you have to pull that tab at the bottom of tongs to make them open. MINDS WERE BLOWN.
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