"Why I'm happy with my size 16 body."

by Mamamia Team May 6, 2015

Image: Joni Edelman.

Let’s say you’re casually chatting over coffee with a group of female friends when one pipes up with something like this, “Oh I only use SOY milk in my coffee. We are not meant to drink milk. And no artificial sweeteners. They give you cancer! Did you not know that?”

Perhaps you’re at a playdate and you pull out a juice box only to see that mum pierce you with her judgey eyes and say, “We don’t do juice. It’s empty calories. You really could just give them a cup of sugar.”

You know exactly the type I speak of.

Later that night you might just find this same woman crouched in her guest bathroom inhaling an entire pack of brownies, washed down with a big gulp of diet Pepsi, while reading People magazine by the light of her iPhone. Hypocrite.

All of that was the long route to telling you that I strive to practice what I preach.

I said (on TV, to Rachael Ray, so there are a few million witnesses): If you want a bikini body, put a bikini on your body.

And in that vein I present you with this: (Post continues in and after gallery.)

This

And this

And finally this.

Was it hard to put on a bikini and stand in front of a camera? No. That was, in truth pretty easy. The harder part was standing in a freezing cold pool. And also standing motionless like a cruel game of freeze tag where no one ever tags you back in.

And also, seeing myself in a bikini. That is also hard.

As it turns out it’s easier to preach than practice. Hypocrisy makes me irritable.

I’m not being hyperbolic when I say all people are beautiful. But if I may offer a clarification, by beautiful I don’t mean only physically appealing. Because what the hell is beauty anyway?

In the West African country Mauritania fat is valued—desirable even. So much so that they send young girls away from home to gain weight. To get fat on purpose. There are countries that value light skin and countries where you’d better not show up with red hair and freckles lest ye be banished to the wastelands.

This is real. Dichotomy abounds.

"I'm practising what I preach." Image: Joni Edelman

I implore you friends, pause to consider, who decides if you're beautiful. And conversely who decides if you're not.

If you said ME (and by me I of course mean YOU) then congratulations. You win the prize! The prize is you not being deluded into thinking another person's opinion of you matters. Ever.

I asked my daughter to stand by me (in the freezing pool. Sorry yogibear.) to illustrate something very simple. She is beautiful. She is, by conventional American (and most Western countries) standards, gorgeous. Not Mauritania though, sorry. All the definitions of (Western) beauty, though, she personifies.

And also. I am beautiful. I'm not living in a house built of narcissistic bricks. I am perfectly aware that my physical body is not appealing to some people (Mauritania excluded). And I don't give a damn.

I am beautiful. I am fat and happy, and beautiful.

I'm not immune to criticism. When people call me ugly or fat or stupid I do have to take a perfunctory pause to gather my thoughts. And then my thoughts are, oh that's right, I don't give a damn. I invite you to peruse my Instagram (@joniedelman) or my Twitter timeline (@joniboloney) and scroll through innumerable effusive comments. All of which say nothing, save I am beautiful. It seems like I have the right group of people around me. Thanks friends. (Post continues after gallery.)

Rebel Wilson

The actress said on Twitter; "I'm not trying to be hot. I'm just trying to be a good actress and entertain people." Image via @rebelwilson

Adele"The first thing to do is be happy with yourself and appreciate your body - only then should you try to change things about yourself." Image via Getty

Lady Gaga

After the media focused on her alleged weight gain in September 2012, Gaga hit back at critics by baring her body in photographs, sharing her struggles with an eating disorder, and inviting her fans to join her in a "body revolution"/ Image via @ladygaga

Ashley Judd

After the March 2012 frenzy around Judd's "puffy face" the actress fought back in 'The Daily Beast', calling the media out for making women's bodies "a source of speculation, ridicule, and invalidation, as if they belong to others". Image via @ashley_judd

Christina Aguilera

"I am always in support of someone who is willing and comfortable in their own skin enough to embrace it," the singer said in a recent interview. Image via @xtina

Lena Dunham

At the 2012 New Yorker Festival, the magazine's TV critic, Emily Nussbaum, asked Lena Dunham, producer, creator and star of the hit HBO show 'Girls' why Dunham is naked in so many scenes. Dunham responded; "I realised that what was missing in movies for me was the presence of bodies I understood." She said she plans to live until she is 105 and show her thighs every day. Image via @lenadunham

Alexa Chung

Chung responded to critics who suggested that her slight frame made her a bad role model for young women, saying: "Just because I exist in this shape doesn't mean that I'm, like, advocating it." Image via Twitter @alexa_chung

Stella BoonshoftThe NYU student started the amazing Body Love Blog, where she posted this picture of herself and wrote an open letter to those who feel entitled to shame others for the size or look of their bodies. Image via http://thebodyloveblog.tumblr.com"> Body Love Blog

Beth Ditto

This five-foot-tall, 200-pound singer spoke openly about her weight to 'The Advocate' saying, "I feel sorry ... for people who've had skinny privilege and then have it taken away from them. I have had a lifetime to adjust to seeing how people treat women who aren't their idea of beautiful and therefore aren't their idea of useful, and I had to find ways to become useful to myself." Image via @marybethditto

You don't have to shimmy into a bikini and stand in a (freezing, dear god so cold) pool. I did though, because I wanted my preaching and my practicing to meet up and shake hands and maybe even give each other a big bear hug.

Practice meet Preach. And welcome to our photo shoot. We gather here today to admonish women everywhere: You can wear whatever the hell you please. Yes, that includes bikinis. Even if you're *gasp* fat.

That includes stretch pants, yoga pants, crop tops, tube tops, a bathrobe, a corset, skinny jeans, boyfriend jeans, high waisted jeans, no jeans. You can wear whatever you like, wherever you like (but you'd better wear something, the law frowns on public nudity). You don't need approval and you sure as hell don't need permission.

You see size 16 me next to my size 6 daughter. Once you finish reading this, whether or not either of us is "beautiful" is irrelevant.

What we are after the photo is taken, after the filters are applied, after my blessed photographer (Staci Sheets. Thank you dear) has removed the bruises from my thighs and corrected the purple tone that occurred as a result of the arctic waters of her pool, what we are after all that is done—that is the heart of it.

Our physical beauty is such a small part of who we are. It's the icing on the cake. It's the baking soda in the batter. It's one card in the deck. It is part of us, but it isn't us. And that applies to all of us.

You are beautiful. And you are so much more than beautiful.

This article first appeared on Ravishly . Read the original article . You can also find out more about Joni and read more of her writing here.