The pickup line that allegedly works “every time”.*

 

Remember when the most flattering thing a man could do was ask if it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Or request a map, because he got lost in your eyes?

Or insist that you were a thief for stealing his heart?

Sigh. Pickup lines have really changed in the last few years.

According to Maximillion Berger, a dating coach from Los Angeles, there’s a new ultimate pickup line on the block. (To be applied on Tinder, of course. This is 2016, people).

Apparently, it works every time.*

Advertisement

*Most of the time. Sometimes. Really depends who you’re talking to, though. Some girls are straight up bitches.

Watch the Mamamia Team reveal the moment they knew their partners were “The One” (no awful pickup lines necessary). 

Berger, who we know has a lot of sex because he talks often and loudly about having a lot of sex, recommends that his disciples use the “Apocalypse Opener” if they’re looking for a surefire one night stand.

It goes as follows:

Hey, I know this is kinda weird and pushy haha, but would you like to have sex with me?

I’m not a creep or a pervert, just a genuine guy. I would treat you with respect and the sex would be good. I can even make you squirt if the connection is right haha.

I will not judge you or think you’re “easy”. So yeah, excuse me if I come across as a little uncalibrated but I think you’re attractive, so what do you think? Haha.

Well, I’m sold!

I mean, if he says he isn’t a creep or a pervert, who am I to disagree?

And as long as he acknowledges he’s being weird and pushy, it’s not that weird and pushy, right? It’s kind of funny, isn’t it? See how he wrote “haha” afterwards?

And, quite frankly, it’s nice not to have to worry about being judged or thought “easy”. I know it’s a risk I run using Tinder (who do I think I am, looking for casual sex? A man?), but it’s comforting to know I won’t have that problem here. 

I have to say, I’m especially taken with all the “haha”s. He seems to love a good laugh, this guy. Doesn’t take himself too seriously. Definitely not contrived.

Also, from experience, men who say straight up that they’re good at sex are almost always, without fail, true to their world and excellent at sex.

And he called me attractive! ME! ATTRACTIVE!

God. I’m getting all hot and flustered. Who doesn’t that line work on?

Well, the lovely lady at @feminist_tinder, for one, who’s calling out nonsense like this “foolproof” pickup line as she comes across it.

If you ever come across the “Apocalypse Opener” in the wild, feel free to follow her suggestion and chuck the perp a friendly link to Maximillion Berger’s website.

You might miss out on some quality “squirting”, though, so weigh your options carefully.

JOIN THE CONVERSATION