Say what you like about Peter Dutton, but don't bring potatoes into this.


While this is a sad day for Australia, as a man who resembles a potato and Lord Voldemort in equal measure may become prime minister, it’s also a sad day for someone else.

The humble potato.

You see, the potato has just been sitting there, minding its own business, believing in climate change because it has weighed up all the substantial evidence, and petitioning to get innocent people off Nauru, and then all of a sudden Peter Dutton decided to put an entire vegetable into disrepute.


The former Minister for Home Affairs, Immigration and Border Protection, who is perhaps best known for boycotting the 2008 Apology to the Stolen Generations, rejecting same sex marriage and inciting widespread fear about 'African gangs', looks shockingly like a potato.

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It's the shape of his head but also the vibe of his head, and after his failed attempt to challenge Malcolm Turnbull's leadership, people began putting out their potatoes to celebrate his loss.


It's important to note there was no a) sadness or b) solidarity with Peter Dutton in this tribute. Back in June, potatoes were also used to protest his treatment of asylum seekers.

In the United States, people protest on the streets. In New Zealand, people don't need to protest shit because they have a Jacinda Ardern. But in Australia, we shrug our shoulders and callously bring an innocent vegetable into the most humiliating political moment of our time.

Is the potato pissed off?

Has anyone even asked the potato how they feel about being used to represent a politician that no one even likes?

"Things have been... better for us."

No. Of course not.

Because no one gives a shit about potatoes.

Never mind that they give us hot chips and cold chips, but also hashbrowns and potato bake and wedges, and scallops and casserole and lots of other things.

Never mind that.

Never mind that a bunch of us have Irish heritage and a lack of potatoes ALMOST WIPED OUT ALL OF OUR ANCESTORS.

There is no greater act of disrespect than likening Dutton, with his unquestionably unusually shaped face, to a vegetable that has done literally no wrong. It has only ever done right. 


So say what you like about Peter Dutton. You might disagree with his policies, and vehemently believe he should not be the leader of his country.

But for goodness sake, leave potatoes out of this.

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