health

My boyfriend got the snip. I got all the pictures.

Here is Jenny’s tale of attending her partner’s vasectomy…

Dr Snip (not his real name) needs his own radio hour. He’s been a testicle technician for 28 years, meaning he’s free to make ribald jokes and chuckle away with shaking shoulders without having to worry too much about slip-ups, and he’s got us in stitches – unlike my boyfriend’s scrotum, which won’t need any stitches, because it’s benefiting from Dr Snip’s non-invasive procedure.

Are you at work right now? Then don’t click on these rather graphic pics unless there’s nobody about.

The Boyfriend.

Not that Dr Snip will put your mind at rest. Every bit of his comedy double act with nurse Rachel is designed to convince the recipient his brains are about to haemorrhage through his nut-sack.

RELATED: The history of contraception is fascinating and horrifying.

Dr Snip’s specialty is the scalpel-free procedure. Your balls are still pierced by a sharp object, but it’s a nice claim to make. He pulls out each vas – the tube that semen travels in – from an incision in the scrotum, cuts it and cauterises one end, all under local anaesthetic. “Is that the vas?” I ask, as he fishes out a loop of something white.

“Well if it’s his spine, we’re fucked.”

The, er, snipped stuff.

All too soon it’s over and we’re handed an after-care pack, including a Dr Snip stubby holder. That sort of service makes you want to come back time and time again.

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THE SERIOUS STUFF: 6 Things you need to know.

1. A chap will not be sterile immediately after his vasectomy.

It takes a minimum of 12 ejaculations over eight to 12 weeks for the spoof stored in the seminal vesicle to make its final emergency evacuation.

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2. The overall failure rates are about one in 1,000, compared with one in 250 in women who have tubal ligation.

This can be down to the man having a surprise extra vas, or an eventual rejoining of the ends of the severed vasa.

3. Most men would have a local anaesthetic and can chinwag away throughout the procedure.

4. Dr Snip, in Melbourne, uses the ‘ring clamp’ technique, which takes 10-20 minutes.

A very sharp artery forcep is used to make a tiny opening into the skin of the scrotal wall. Then a ring clamp is used to secure each vas tube in turn. Each vas is divided and the upper end tied off so that it will seal closed.

5. The cut end of each vas closest to each teste is left open, to let the sperm escape into the scrotum after each ejaculation and be absorbed into the body.

Don’t freak out. Sperm is still produced in the testes after the vasectomy, but it’s tiny amounts. The real gunky stuff when a man comes is the semen, and this is produced safely away from the nutsack in the seminal vesicle and prostate gland. I know! We didn’t know either. So after a vasectomy a man will still ejaculate the same volume of semen, but not baby-making sperm.

6. Testosterone is unaffected and libido is unaffected.

Hallelujah!

Dr Snip. And Julia Gillard.

This article was originally published on The Glow.