real life

'The man I loved told me a lie that changed my life forever.'

At 1:41am this morning, a message from Sarah* appeared in our submissions inbox. It read…


I really need some advice from Mamamia readers. I also want to warn other women, and let them know that they are not alone if they have been lied, cheated on, or conned by an ex.

Because that’s exactly what has happened to me.

In the beginning when I met Tom* everything was amazing, and I believed him when he told me he was left sterile after a ‘horrific motorbike accident’ (he had a big scar on his testicles that made me believe this). We would have sex unprotected, because he told me we had no chance of falling pregnant. Considering we promised to be monogamous and were clean of sexually transmitted infections, I saw no issue with this.

But then I fell pregnant with our son. Not long after I realised I was in love with a narcissistic, lying piece of sh*t, who had basically “stealthed” me.

LISTEN: Does your relationship have rules to prevent cheating? (Post continues…)

When I told Tom we were pregnant, his responses ranged from ‘it’s a miracle’, to ‘you were cheating on me’, ‘it’s not mine’, ‘I’m so excited’, ‘I can’t be a father’, ‘you’ll be a great mum’ and finally, ‘we should get an abortion’.

I was 9.5 weeks along when I found out I wasn’t the only woman he was sleeping with.

I discovered the other women when my partner started acting really strange, and made a habit of giving me every stereotypical excuse under the sun (I’m working late; I’m staying at a friend’s house in the city to save on a taxi fare).


My suspicions grew too much, so I contacted a woman on Facebook who he was suspiciously friends with. That was when the can of worms was opened, and I found out there was a line of secret girlfriends alongside me.

And here’s the real clincher: one of the other women was also pregnant. He’d told her the exact same lies as me.

"I found out there was a line of secret girlfriends alongside me." (Image: iStock)

I soon found out my partner had been doing this for many years to a lot of women and he has at least four kids out in the world, including the son he now has with me.

By the time I gave birth to our son,  I was completely alone. My precious boy is now five months old, and I'm in disbelief to find myself as a single mum.

Tom has never met our son, and has never asked to meet him since he was born. Since sending him a text message to let him know our little boy arrived, I've only spoken to him a couple of times a month.

I'm currently in the process of going to court for child support as he refused to sign any of the paperwork either.

Don't get me wrong, I love my son and I'm so happy that I have a child that I never thought I would have. But I'm worried about him growing up without a dad. On the other hand, I don't want someone toxic and manipulative around my child.

Should I keep trying to persuade his father to meet him, and encourage a relationship between them, or accept that my child will never have two parents?

What advice would you give Sarah? Tell us in the comments below...

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.