These are the top five non-parent ‘zingers’ that left me reeling.
Becoming a parent is like having all the cells in your body, removed, reorganised and replaced. You shoot off to ‘planet parent’, leaving everybody else behind.
Most of the time it’s fun to interact with ‘the others’. Sometimes, it’s enough to turn you off space travel for good.
Some non-parents come up with the most ridiculous, silly, offensive statements and instead of giving them the comeback of your dreams along the lines of “get lost” or “f*** off”, you giggle or mumble.
Let’s revisit the top five non-parent zingers, and feel free to share your favourites as well in the comments section below.
1.”Kids are a sexually transmitted disease.”
It was my first day back at work when I sat down with my male boss and male colleague for a strategy meeting. We exchanged small talk and then they began a conversation as though I wasn’t even in the room, about how neither of them ever wanted to become parents, ever. The very idea horrified them. I had no idea why there were having this particular conversation in front of me on the day of my return.
Then one of them said, “Kids are a sexually transmitted disease”.
I was shocked and stunned. I lasted nine months (fitting really) before I decided a career change was in order.
2. "What's wrong with him?"
I was determined that being a mother wouldn't affect my friendships so I made sure to have lunch with friends as often as possible, bringing my baby along in his pram. Sometimes he would cry. Babies do that. But one particular friend would always become so alarmed and say, "What's wrong with him?" I wish I just said, "Well, he's a baby and babies cry," but I used to explain it away by saying that he's hungry or tired, like I was apologising or something.
3. "Can't you just leave him with your mum?"
There was always an assumption from my non-parent friends that I was constantly looking to escape the trap that is motherhood. I must hate it. It must be hideous. They felt the need to rescue me from it by trying to organise weekends away and mini-holidays. They just didn't understand that I didn't want to leave him yet.