Are you constantly on alert? Never alone? Are you an expert in cutting fruit into safe, bite size pieces and experienced at fishing remote controls out of toilet bowls?
Is the question you get asked the most each day “why?” and the phrase you hear the most “NO!”
If you recognise any of these unique characteristics in yourself congratulations – you must be the parent of a toddler.
You can single-handedly steer a double pram through a supermarket all the while continuously ignoring the cries of “want want want want.”
You can whip up a gourmet meal of spaghetti and bananas in seconds and you are never, ever, ever caught without a packet of wipes.
Toddlers are wonderful little bundles of ever changing energy. They can transform right before our eyes from sweet innocent babies to foot stamping teenagers and back again all in the space of minutes.
While each of us parent our toddlers differently and in a way unique to our own style, there are some things that (just for a bit of fun) we can generalize about.
Do you recognise anything of yourself in any of these toddler parents?
1. The milestone measurer.
We all like to know just how our kids are developing but for some mums it can become a bit of an obsession. These mums know exactly which month a toddler is meant to reach each and every milestone.
13 months old? Oh, she should be able to put blocks into containers. Can yours? Mine can.
20 months? He really should be walking upstairs by himself.
“Oh your little boy just turned two? He should know between 50 and 75 words. My Oliver knows 108. Do you want to hear them?”
The milestone measurer feels a certain level of anxiety if her child doesn’t quite meet each and every criterion on time, but they need not worry, all kids get there eventually.
Usually the parent of just one child… so far, anyway.
Your child is 24 months old? Their head should resemble a kiwi fruit. Image via Twitter @a_charmless_man
2. Food fretter.
Toddlers are notoriously picky. There are days when it seems like your little one hardly consumes anything at all (handfuls of sand and dirt aside).
When your child transforms from an eating machine who will consume anything that is put in front of them into one who only wants to eat vegemite sandwiches, it’s natural to worry.
The food fretter parent turns her toddler’s pickiness into a personal challenge to overcome. Their finger sandwiches look like art. Their dinners rival a gourmet restaurant (and have 15 different types of vegetables disguised inside). They will do anything to ensure their little one eats.
They are a devoted and loving whizz in the kitchen.
But if this isn’t you, then don’t worry. They will eat eventually and in the meantime vegemite sambos will get you through.