Rising sea levels and stuff mean that Aries may begin to feel unappreciated, like most of what they do is behind the scenes. This is because of the gravitational pull between Mars and Jupiter and the fact that it’s true. Repeat after me, ‘I am the backbone of this family, without me no one would have clean undies.’
It’s also an important time to be putting boundaries in place this month, Aries. But do it slowly so to avoid hurt feelings. Tell your child that while you love the bonding experience of sharing a bath with them, you’d prefer they didn’t crap in it or tell the teachers at preschool about your untamed bush the next day.
The moon has done a full circle which means it’s time to clean up.
Not in a metaphoric sense or anything meaningful. The kids have trashed the living room while you’re been reading this. There’s orange juice through your computer, poo on the walls and the baby is gnawing on a dog treat.
Later in the month Jupiter will move into the second phase which brings your focus back into the home. This means that everyone will have gastro which will see you housebound holding mixing bowls and buckets for people to vomit into. Be aware that your husband will naturally have it worse than anyone else and no one will care when you get it.
Gemini’s may feel the need to enter into big decisions this month and you can blame the full moon, or the half moon or any moon, really. Normal functioning like reason and reasonable expectations may be compromised. Remember this before you attend a Thermomix demonstration at your friends house. It’s a $2000 blender that makes risotto.
Around the 15th, you’ll feel a surge of energy which can be attributed to the sixth house of the solar charts. You’ll be inspired, motivated and ready to accept new challenges.
It’s probable that these will come in the form of craft or homewares on Pinterest. You’ll make the time to go to the shops, purchase supplies. You’ll visualise the newly created art in your home and get to work. After several hours and countless fuck ups, you’ll swear like a sailor, consume way too many glasses of wine and chuck the thing in the corner.
This month you really need to focus on your relationship. Try and talk to each other in real words rather than by using a series of well articulated sleep-deprived grunts. Plan some time out. Get a bottle of wine, order a pizza and sit beside each other on the couch looking at your phones. If you’re feeling really romantic, stick an emoji on his Facebook wall. Romance doesn’t just happen, it takes effort.
Virgo’s are reminded this month of the healing powers of water. It’s all around and it's ours to be used. Your toddler knows the benefits of H2O and has been dipping your toothbrush in the loo and painting the walls with it for days. Serene.
Be aware of potential heartbreak early in the month Virgo’s. Someone left the freezer door open overnight and all your expressed breastmilk has defrosted.
Feeling pissed off at every little thing your children do? Relax and blame the planets.
The gravitational pull has made it so that they have morphed from divine little beings to demonic anger monkeys. The tantrums will seem never ending. Warn your partner to tread carefully and remember, it’s frowned upon to call a child a ‘little arsehole.’