dating

"I'm going away for my sister's birthday, and my partner gave me a list of rules."

So. Imagine this.

It’s your sister’s 30th birthday and you’re celebrating with a weekend out of town with her and her best friend.

You tell your husband (let’s pretend you’ve been married for about a year, but have known each other for four), and he’s not happy. Your sister and your best friend are single, and he says “it doesn’t look good”.

LISTEN: This woman’s ex husband is now cheating on his mistress with another girlfriend. Should she whistleblow or walk away? Post continues after audio.

You fight. He says you don’t, and can’t understand. You try and compromise, so he gives you three rules which are:

  1. Text him your plans for both days and update if anything changes.
  2. Let him randomly check in with you, and you have to answer his calls or respond to texts within 10 minutes.
  3. Skype from your hotel room at midnight, both nights.

There’s been no history of cheating, or anything to warrant this behaviour, but it is the first time you’re travelling without him during the four year duration of your relationship.

What do you do?

Reddit user Vveeee is not so sure.

What would you do? Image via Getty.

Posting the question onto the online forum, she says she's "kind of offended," and "understand[s] him having concerns," but feels he " isn't handling it appropriately."

Vveeee's post has already gained over 400 comments in two days, with most questioning his behavior, labelling it controlling, and disrespectful.

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"Absolutely. It's insulting and disrespectful to you to insinuate that these check ups are a necessary precaution. People that trust their partners aren't going to go to these lengths to ensure that cheating doesn't happen," said prettyandsmart, and atrueamateur agreed.

"Yup. Asking to know plans is reasonable, asking to get a call or text every day is reasonable. Treating someone like a teenager with a strict curfew is downright weird," said another user," they said.

Another user, limpingpigeon commented, "if you cave in and do it, be prepared for that to be the norm for your relationship. I'd go so far as to say not just the norm, but for it to just be the start. The kind of insecurities that he has to have to ask for these "rules" tend to be the kind that build on themselves no matter how much you try to accommodate."

However, other's were more accepting of his 'requests,' stating it's just plain worry. AdustStarkness said that you would call and text the "same as you would when you're out late any other night," with user FocusedFelix saying, "this is all I expect. I love my SO, and would like a few minutes of her time before she crashes when she's out of town... but as long as she made it back to her hotel room, and let me know she's alive, we're good."

While jealousy is a normal part of every relationship, how do you know when it crosses the border, and an early warning sign of abusive behaviour?

According to New York–based relationship expert and author, April Masini, "when your partner freaks out because you’re out without [them], and [they] can’t reach you, [they've] got an unhealthy streak of jealousy," she told Bustle.

"When [they] blame you for not checking in with [them], not picking up your phone when [they] call and basically insinuate you’re cheating on [them] because you’re out without [them'], [your partner is] not acting in a healthy way."

Also speaking to Bustle, marriage and family therapist and relationship expert Esther Boykin says that while we all experience jealousy, "the key to keeping things healthy is being able to identify the feeling and not allow it to control behaviour," she says.

While all relationships are different, what advice would you give  to Vveeee? Is this a case of well-meaning intentions gone wrong, or does it hint at something more?