5 things you should never say to an overdue Mum.

Kate Middleton is four days overdue. And she’s probably OVER IT.

News today suggests that everyone’s royal BFF, The Duchess of Cambridge, may be as many as four days past her due date with royal cuteness number two. Four days? Pfft, it’s only four days, right? Wrong! When you are in the final stages of pregnancy, even a day feels like a week. It’s a bizarre alteration of time which might feel short to some but for mum-to-be, it’s the most drawn out, agonising wait you’ll ever experience.

As baby watch goes into overdrive and the world awaits news of Kate’s labour, the poor girl is no doubt left feeling like so many many overdue mum’s before her; OVER IT.

My first son was two weeks overdue and let me tell you, it’s not all farts and rainbows when it comes to the late stages of pregnancy (ok, there are plenty of farts) In fact, only five per cent of babies actually arrive on their due date so I’m guessing a lot of mums out there can relate to the feeling of being well and truly past your role as human incubator.

Here are some things that you should not say to an overdue mum.

1. “You’re huge.”

Now anyone with eyes can see that Kate has maintained an enviable figure throughout her pregnancy. Really, she’s the kind of preggo us other preggos tend to hate.

Here she is looking like a model with a basketball shoved down her top, while other expectant mums like myself more resemble a bloated savannah creature.

Kate is always glowing.

However, regardless of how you look to others on the outside, being past your due date is uncomfortable and you think you look like a wilderbeast.

Nothing fits, you can’t see your feet and there is so much pressure on your internal organs you feel like an overstuffed sausage.

I spent my final days of pregnancy lounging around in my husbands pyjama pants and gravy stained t-shirts because frankly at that point, I no longer gave a shit. I just wanted that baby out.

Basically, we know we are massive and no one more than us wants that situation rectified. Don’t point it out.

In fact, top tip: refrain from commenting on a woman’s body at any time.

2. “You think you’re tired now, wait until the baby arrives!”

Carrying around a fully cooked baby is hard work, not to mention all that extra fluid you’ve accumulated along the way.

Gone are those magical days of trimester two where you seemed to float through life like a pregnancy unicorn filled with an abundance of extra energy. Now you’re a zombie like creature who needs a rest after shuffling to the kitchen for a curry that someone suggested to ‘get things moving’.

Yes, you’ll be tired when the baby comes. Babies do that to you, but don’t under estimate how tiring it is carrying that thing around at well past due date.

Jacqui with her son.

3. “Any sign of the baby yet?”

People mean well and you need to keep that in mind but being bombarded by constant text messages and phone calls asking if ‘there’s a baby yet” makes you want to scream.

NO! There is no bloody baby. The baby is still happily trampolining on my bladder, thanks for asking.

Trust me, by the time this kid makes it out of baby land I’ll be screaming it from the rooftops and sending carrier pigeons!

Read more: The beautiful thing Kate Middleton is (possibly) going to do to honour Princess Diana.

I feel sorry for Kate though. I had family and friends awaiting news, she has the world’s media at her doorstep begging for an inside scoop of whether or not she’s passed a mucous plug (yeah, that happens).

4. “You’ll miss being pregnant.”

Remember when you first saw those two lines on the pee stick and fell a little bit in love with the idea of being pregnant; staring at your belly each day to see whether or not you had developed a baby bump. Yeah, that’s done. No longer do you see your pregnancy as a growing miracle to be enjoyed and cherished. Now it’s a bloody nightmare to function as a person and all you want is your body back and a baby safely in your arms.

No I’m not glowing, I’m sweating like an overfed pig.

At 42 weeks, pregnancy sucks. I’m not going to miss this part of it.

Gone are the days of checking for a baby bump.

5. “Are you ready?”

I never thought I would be ready for the pain of labour but at two weeks overdue I couldn’t have been more prepared. I had read every birth book every written, I knew baby forum members by name and I’d loaded so much soothing Tony O’Conner birth music on to my iPod I think I just paid for his grandkids school fees.

At two weeks overdue I was ready for that baby to get the hell out. I ate two whole pineapples (Don’t. It gives you heartburn).

I ran up and down the stairs in my house and I consumed so much curry I think my insides still have second degree burns. Yeah, I was as ready as I could ever be.

It turns out though that babies run their own show. They come when they want. With no signs of labour at 42 weeks I ended up with four failed attempts at induction and an emergency c-section. The main thing was I had a healthy baby and hopefully so too with Kate very shortly.

Like a lot of the bad aspects of pregnancy, you tend to forget these feelings once that bundle is safely in your arms.

Here I am expecting number three, and already stock piling pineapples.

Being overdue is a pain – but if you need proof it’s worth the wait, check out this adorable gallery of Prince George. 

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