I can’t say too much or I’m going to get myself into huge trouble. Let me just say that there is a couple I know who are going through a nasty divorce – is there any other kind? – and one of them has made some of the most outrageous divorce demands I’ve ever heard.
Isn’t the point of divorce to move on and get on with your own life?
Shouldn’t divorce mean the end of any control you have over each other’s lives, co-parenting aside?
Family lawyers often say that during divorce they deal with people at their worst. And when people are at their worst they can forget who they really are.
Next week the new Sarah Jessica Parker HBO comedy series, Divorce, debuts on Foxtel. Parker, plays Frances a woman who has been married to Robert (played by Thomas Haden Church) for 17 years. “How do you go from years of a loving marriage, to wanting to blow your partner’s head off?” Frances asks in the premiere episode – where she also asks her husband for a divorce.
Mamamia Confessions: When I knew it was time for divorce.
But their divorce, with two kids, gets complicated. Don’t they all?
Here are seven of the most absurd divorce demands that had nothing to do with money:
1. ZIP IT … FOREVER
As part of almost-husband Marc Anthony’s divorce from wife Dayonara Torres, Jennifer Lopez is alleged to have demanded that Ms. Torres sign an agreement that forbade her from speaking badly about Lopez at any time, for the rest of time.
Legal Zoom reports, “Essentially, the former Mrs. Anthony could be sued for saying bad things about the current Mrs. Anthony.”
While clauses like this rarely form part of non-celebrity divorces we can imagine quite a few couples who wish they could do similar, particularly when it comes to how each parent talks about the other in front of the children.
2. DEAD DOG WALKING
Quite a few divorces these days involve pets and custody agreements however not many involve a negotiation whereby a demand is made to literally split the pet in half. However a woman has shared a story on Huffington Post she heard while dating a divorce lawyer. The husband in question demanded the dog be killed and the ashes split 50/50.
“In retaliation (to the discovery he withheld money from the settlement), he demanded half the dog. Not joint custody. Half of the dog, who was his wife’s much beloved, very spoiled little buddy.”
I suppose nobody is safe in a divorce but especially the fur babies.
3. ORGAN DONATION REGRETS
One of the most famous stories of divorce demand ridiculousness has to be that of Samantha Lamb, 41, who after being dumped by her husband demanded he return the kidney she’d donated to him years earlier.
“She even lost weight to prepare for the surgery, which was documented by the BBC,” Huffington Post reports. She said, “I hate him. If I could I’d take it back and give it to someone else.”
Gives new meaning to the phrase heart-broken.
4. DON’T HASSLE THE ATTORNEY
David Hasselhoff is known for many things and by many names, including “The Hoff” and in his divorce from wife a two decades Pamela Bach he demanded he be given all rights to the name “The Hoff” and also the phrase “Don’t Hassle The Hoff” to which she agreed.
Even if she says it in jest, she could be in a heap of trouble, according to the website Mental Floss.
5. TIL DEATH DO US PART
Belgian author Georges Simenon demanded in his 1949 divorce from wife Tigy that he’d only pay her a large settlement if she agreed to live close to him so he could see his kids whenever he wanted, according to Mental Floss.
Understandable, however incredibly awkward as divorced couples try and move on with new lives.
Divorces involving children are always going to be more difficult and understandably so.
6. ONE FOR HALLOWEEN
An Australian man was forced to dig up his parent’s ashes which he’d buried on the family farm after his wife was awarded the farm in the divorce.
“He was given 14 days to remove his parent’s remains and tombstones from the premises,” Oddee reports.
So, no love lost between his former wife and her in laws then, we assume.
7. THE ART OF ART IS LOST
According to a Reddit thread during a marriage a wife was slowly hiding artwork her husband had purchased. When she became his ex-wife, during mediation, she tried to sell them back to her ex-husband.