dating

"Are you sure they're in love with you?" and 3 other questions you should never ask someone in an open relationship.

There's a chance that if you have a friend who has been in an open relationship or explores polyamory, then you're guilty of asking some things that maybe you shouldn't have. 

It may be because traditional relationships differ greatly to the new era of modern dating we're seeing play out before us - and topics including sex with other people, dating openly and exploring relationships while already in one, are dynamics some of us just aren't... across.

But for those of us in monogamous relationships, pure curiosity doesn't give us a right to be... d**ks.

Watch what is polyamory? Post continues after video. 


Video via Insight SBS.

For this reason, Mamamia actually wanted to know the questions those in open relationships are tired of being asked, and their answers were plentiful.

Here's what they had to say. 

1. "Don't you think it's a bit selfish?"

Aside from this question being rude, one Mamamia reader said they always feel incredibly hurt when asked this by friends. "It's just straight up an a**hole question. I always try to answer it still to be cordial and understanding, but how many more ways can I say 'no' without getting angry?"

"I think I am less selfish because my partner can be with anyone he likes, and so can I. He's not bound to me just to have sex. He wants me for reasons that go deeper than that, too.'"

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2. "Are you sure they're in love with you?"

"Is anyone sure of anything," asked one Mamamia reader, who added that uncertainty is an insecurity - one that is just as alive and well in monogamous relationships. 

"[I do get asked] if I’m scared my partner is going to fall in love with someone else and leave me - there’s a lot of non-monogamy in 'monogamy' happening out there," they shared. "It’s a risk in any relationship you’re in open or not that someone leaves you for someone else. You don’t own your partner and you can’t control for that risk factor."

3. "Don't you get jealous?"

Not only is this a rude question, one person in an open relationship told us that our own jealousy is not our partner's burden to bear.

"FML. Jealousy is my emotion. If me and my friend go to the movies, and you get jealous that you weren't invited, is it my fault you're feeling jealous? I don't think so. I believe that jealousy is my reaction to something, it's my emotion to deal with, it's not somebody else's fault. And typically when I do feel jealous, I reflect on why I'm feeling jealous, and it normally ties back to insecurities. 

"If my partner sleeps with someone very muscly, I might feel jealous that he had better sex or is more attracted to that person than to me. But that comes from my own insecurities about my body."

4. "How will you explain it to your kids or family?"

"I've been asked this way too many times for someone who has not once considered the impact it would have on my family or non-existent children," one person shared with Mamamia.

"And why would I? It's not my parent's business or anyone else's business. It doesn't actually matter to me at all what they think, and besides... they have no issues, just pure curiosity. As for my children, I don't have them so I can't say what I would explain to them. But basically, it's none of their business either what my sex life or private relationships are like... And they wouldn't [want to] know, anyway!"

Feature Image: Getty / Mamamia.

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