My dear girl,
Before I delve into serious topics and lose your attention to Instagram, several things:
1. You left the lights on in the bathroom.
2. Your shoes are in the middle of the hallway and I tripped over them twice already.
3. You left the lights on in the kitchen.
4. There is a collection of candy wrappers, dirty tissues, and remnants of popcorn in the living room.
5. You left the lights on in the den.
Please attend to the above before I am forced to walk into your room and attempt to confiscate your electronic devices. We both know this doesn’t usually end well.
Now on to more important issues.
When it comes to household chores, asking you to unload a dishwasher or walk the dog isn’t the same as making a Cinderella out of you. Plenty of people get out of bed before noon to take out their dogs so your claim that a noon wake up call qualifies as a violation of basic human rights is completely unsubstantiated. And while we are on the subject of rights, let me assure you that allowance is not a human right. Neither is it your indisputable right.