11 tips for women dating men online, from the 'Dirty John' prosecutor.

It wasn't your average homicide.

Former Homicide Prosecutor Matt Murphy had been called in to review the death of a man named John Meehan at a carpark in Newport Beach. He'd attacked the daughter of a woman he'd met while online dating, stabbing her multiple times before she managed to kick the knife out of his hand.

Meehan was a former anesthesiologist (who was stripped of his medical licence over drug theft charges), and an infamous scammer and abuser who ensnared women through dating apps and then extorted them for money. After weaseling his way into their finances, he'd grow increasingly abusive leaving a long trail of restraining orders and court filings in his wake.

But the daughter of his final victim, Debra Newell, was on to him from the start and began digging into his past as he courted her mother, uncovering his lies and crimes. Eventually, he tried to kill her for her meddling, confronting her as she got out of her car.

In a moment of sheer terror, Tara Newell stabbed him through the eyeball in a fatal blow she copied from an episode of The Walking Dead. While searching the van he'd tried to drag her into after the fact, police found what they call a 'kill kit,' complete with duct tape, handcuffs, a gun and poison.

John Meehan and Debra Newell (left), Tara Newell (right). Image: Facebook/Instagram.

It sounds like the plot of a TV series, and it certainly became that, starring Eric Bana as Meehan. Before that, it was the final act in a podcast series called Dirty John that captivated the world.

When the case was unfolding in real life in 2016, Murphy was the prosecutor tasked with objectively reviewing the evidence. His conclusion was a no brainer, Newell had acted in self-defence.

"I was in the Homicide Unit for 17 years and you see a lot of really sad things. That was the happiest ending I encountered in almost two decades doing that work," Murphy tells Mamamia's True Crime Conversations.

"[Tara Newell] is one of my favourite humans on the planet Earth. We've become friends since all of this," he adds.

Listen to Matt's full interview on True Crime Conversations. Post continues after podcast.

It doesn't usually end like this, and Murphy has prosecuted more online-generated nightmare domestic violence cases than he can count.

As he's discovered, monsters can mask their true nature, especially in settings where you get limited exposure to their full selves.

As he writes in The Book Of Murder: A Prosecutor's Journey Through Love and Death, "The online world can be a predator's playground because these psychopaths have been provided a platform where it is very easy to lie. Once emotions come into play and you've fallen for the predator, defences are down, friends and family are alienated, and you can be very much alone when you finally realise who and what you're actually dealing with".

Speaking to True Crime Conversations, Murphy adds, "I think one of the things that women really have to be cognisant of is, when they meet a man at a wedding or at work, there's this sort of natural vetting process where you have friends in common.

"The danger of online dating is you're really on our own. On one hand it's kind of cool because you meet someone and the relationship is really just between the two of you. But on the other hand you can be with a charming psycho like John Meehan and it's very easy to get sucked into that if you're not careful."

Murphy therefore has these 11 rules, for women dating men (especially online).

1. Avoid any man who asks for money.

In Murphy's eyes, any man who asks you for money, under any circumstance, should be blocked and deleted immediately.

Even if it's date 15 — block him.

2. Any sign of physical aggression is an immediate no.

This one might sound obvious, but any whisper of this and Murphy says you pack your bags immediately.

"These are the guys who murder their wives," he says.

3. Any sort of criminal conviction should be steered clear of.

Controversially, Murphy thinks you shouldn't be giving second chances. Perhaps one of the few exceptions he can think of is a DUI that your date takes compete responsibility for.

But overall, he sees a criminal conviction as someone who makes "terrible decisions".

4. If he checks your mobile phone, you're out.

"Any man who checks your cell phone is either massively insecure, controlling or both," says Murphy.

5. Be wary if he's sketchy about his living arrangements.

In Murphy's experience, it means he's either broke, living with his parents or married.

6. Jealousy towards family is a red flag.

If he's jealous of the time you spend with members of your family, Murphy says "he will eventually alienate you from anyone who may garner your attention instead of him".

Expanding on this point for True Crime Conversations, Murphy says the "biggest red flag should be control".

7. Beware if he has a problem with the men you work with.

Similarly to point six, Murphy explains to True Crime Conversations, "If you've got a guy that's jealous early on about men you might hang out with at work or even like — and I know this is controversial among some men — but a positive relationship with an ex-husband or ex-boyfriend.

"Men that have a big problem with that are the same ones that oftentimes want to isolate a woman from her friends and family and that controlling personality…those are the types of guys who when they get drunk, they get physical."

Typically, he sees a cycle happening. The man will be super apologetic and the woman doesn't want to blow up her own life and she might really genuinely love the guy.

"But you see that progress over time, so it'll start with grabbing a woman by the arm and pretty soon it turns into a push."

Talking about this phenomenon in his book, Murphy says these men will package their complaints as being "healthy boundaries." But in his view, there's nothing healthy about it.

"Trust is healthy, telling an adult woman who she can speak to is controlling and often leads to far greater instances of abuse."

8. Run if he doesn't have a job.

"It's only a matter of time before he's living off your paycheck…"

9. If he lies about things like his job, it's a sign.

Murphy warns it means he's comfortable lying about anything.

10. Don't let him try to rationalise prior DV.

Whether that's charges, accusations or restraining orders — Murphy says this is not someone you want in your life.

11. Always Google him.

Do your due diligence.

Instagram stalk him, tell your friends about him and Google him.

As Murphy points out, if Debra Newell had googled John Meehan, she might've been saved from his 'Dirty John' web altogether.

Feature image: Eric Bana and Connie Britton in the on-screen adaptation of 'Dirty John.' Image via Bravo.